Your path of self awareness continues to give you the ability to turn yourself inside out and to step back and reflect on the inner you, what demons you have and are dealing with but now in a much more positive manner be proud of yourself for giving yourself that gift. The more you understand yourself the more you are able to give your R & to H which enables him to give more to you what a gift!!
"is she re-abusing you to "get you before you get her"?"
I can't tell you how over the years I have felt this way. That statement sums it up. Which was the key for me to start building walls of resentment from W 'controlling me' she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop so she could prove to herself that I was no different then any other man that has been in her life. I have told her over the years it felt like I was having to 'pay' for everyone elses mistakes and treatment of her and it wasn't fair, she would get so angry when I would say that, truth hurts sometimes?
Continue to grow on your path of self awareness...
