I have been following your sitch, but haven't yet jumped in because you are getting such great input.
Sigh. Don't you wish you could take back last night? Seems like everything that happened was because you were running on emotion. Phil, you have to learn to swallow all of that emotion and treat your wife as a friend. I know you say, "yes, but, she isn't treating me as one," but Phil, you are the one fighting here. You decided you want to be married. You only have control over you right now. Let's continue to work on that and maybe the rest will fall into place.
A few posts ago you were telling Ian to stop talking about schedules because they were not possible and that you wanted to see your kids daily. So, what happened last night when you blurted it out to her? It seems as though you wanted to hurt her with that. You felt hurt over not being included in July 4th plans, so you struck back. No laundry, we need a schedule.
If you honestly decided that a schedule is a good idea (and it is!) then I believe this could have been approached in a nice way. Not the hand-slapping way you chose.
Phil, I am not getting on you here. I have done so many things out of emotion and because of misunderstandings! The thing is, the more you do these things, the more there is to un-do...if you get that opportunity, that is. You may end up driving her further away.
I totally understand wanting to be around her so she can see your changes. I am guilty of that with my H, too. But, pushing your way in is not going to score you any points, even if the time you do it ends up o.k. I do that, then convince myself that the pushing is the right thing because it worked out that time. However, the next time it doesn't work out, guess where you are? Yep- "You don't listen to me!" "You are always pushing for more!" Then you have so much more to undo.
Look at what you said to your cousin:
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He said what did I expect. I said buddy you expected a new woman and she isn't one yet.
Listen to yourself, Phil! Either is yours!
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Look I don't want to win. I want my wife back. I just want her to say to me. I'm coming home.
Phil, you are expecting a new woman and she isn't one yet. And, don't blame her for this. You are not a new Phil yet, either. It takes time. And space!
Take care. I know how hard this is. You are down now, but you will bounce back up again. Phil, just learn to walk away when your emotions get to be too much. There are no magic words that are going to fix things at this point. It is all about time...and action. So, limit the words for now. There will be plenty of time for those later on.
