Is this what healing feels like ???

[smartcookie]

((((Mike))))

Thanks for the hugs. I'm so touched that you chose me to share this with.

I can't imagine what those 7 days must have been like for you. Where was she ?

I understand her twisting stuff. Survivors of abuse paint things to cope & manage the best they can. I'm really proud of you keeping it cool & no loud voice, that is HUGE. Did you imagine you were wearing a raincoat ??

I don't think she's "playing" you. I think she's trying to figure things out. Depending on the circumstances surrounding the abuse, who it was, how long it went on, if they were punished.....those all affect how her 13 year old brain sees things. (when people are abused, part of their brain development stops at that age, & doesn't realize time has passed). Doesn't filing for divorce out of spite sound like a ridiculous 13 yr old thing to do ? skipping ?

How long did she go to C for ?

I hear you when you say that you've tried hard. I can't imagine how hard it is to live with someone who was so affected by another person so long ago, yet here it is screwing up your marriage. My H finally talked in C last week about being so frustrated that he did nothing, yet the effects of the abuse is in our bedrom.

Look for two different behaviors....one, her being comfortable being a victim, that means you must take the role of abuser (in her mind, not in reality). two, is she re-abusing you to "get you before you get her"?

Are you in C now ?

Take care of yourself. Don't get sucked into her perception of reality. But, don't try to talk her out of her perception either. We've already spent most of our lifetime pretending things were fine when they weren't. Someone trying to convince us now that things are different is crazy making for us.

Hugs.