Trouble on the lake erie shore #3

[pisces9]

Neil- she will and is noticing everything you say and do. trust yourself.

my H repeated things i had said in the last few weeks- so i mean they are really hearing it all and seeing it all.

and every baby step is a huge step in this process...it just seems so slow bc we are so petrified of every move we make!

you are doing well and yes- that was a success that she brought up the fireworks show- she is thinking of you a lot...let her initiate, patience and GAL...you know the drill....

[Neilh23]

i think one of the things that's bugging me is that this life i'm living right now......was chosen for me. Almost as if I didn't get a say in the matter....

which might or might not be the case....

almost as if i want ot scream at my wife...."why would you break up our family? I know i wasn't perfect, but neither were you! I can change......believe me!"

i'm having a pity party...LOL....i know it. just need to a bit.

[pisces9]

i understand that neil- it is so hard... your actions will show her and she will come around. that is the hard part that we didnt shoe this- but we are here NOW- there is no looking back only forward and changing the bad stuff and enlarging the good stuff....and it may be just for you right now...she may come around and it seems as though she is softening a teeny bit so just keep the positive changes going.

hug your girls- that will make you feel better

[Forrest Gump]

I am telling you people say the dam*dest things when they don't know what to say.

"i think one of the things that's bugging me is that this life i'm living right now......was chosen for me. Almost as if I didn't get a say in the matter....."

Think about what you just wrote and all the feeling behind it. All the not sleeping, feeling lost, no hope.. etc,etc. You should not have to think about it hard.. you are right in the midst of it.

Now this is going to sound mean.. its not meant to be.

That right there is exactly how your wife felt as she walked thru her day. She wanted things to change.. She wanted X.. She did not have a say in it either.

I can't say this any more clearly.. You BOTH chose this path. You did it TOGETHER. Simply because you had no idea how to CHANGE it. That is why the choices you make now.. mean more than they ever did. I am telling you as soon as you can move your perspective enough to see it.. things will change.

Its great that you come and post when you feel down.. keep it up.

[Neilh23]

forrest...you have no idea how true that is. I clearly see and feel my W's pain. Esp. with regards to being supported..... to make a long story short, i learned many behaviors from my parents.. and one them revolves around reflective listening. I always tried to fix my W's problems...never really listened. I always supported her, just not in the way she wanted.... When my sitch started and i talked to my parents about it...they tried to solve the problem by telling me not to beat myself up....and didn't really listen to me....

i feel her pain. not entirely, but i do. ugh.

and now creeps in self doubt........ almost as if i know i can change myself, but does she really believe it and want to see it? i know the mantra, but still......

i also know that we both made this choice....subtly, unintentionally, whatever. we both made this choice. it's hard because it's such a painful choice........but in the grand scheme of things, it's the right one. neither one of us could continue to live like that anymore.....

thanks

pisces....i do all the time. we had a blast at the zoo today....

[smartcookie]

Neil, one day about 5-6 months ago, I stood in my kitchen wondering how I had ended up in this life that I didn't choose.

I knew if I was given a 2nd chance, I wouldn't make the same choices.

I made the 2nd chance happen, just with the original husband. I hope you make the 2nd chance happen.

hugs

[Neilh23]

thanks cookie. i needed that hug...

i'm working on it....starting with myself..and some serious introspection......man alive, sometimes its difficult....

[pisces9]

yes- i understand neil...it is difficult to just live sometimes--
you are on a new journey- it is meant to be no matter what...

[Neilh23]

forrest....you said "change your perspective".......i'm not sure i understand 100%.....like try to see things thru my W's eyes? Look for the positive signs? Something else?

[Neilh23]

so i've been tossing this around for a couple of days..

My W said to me that she feels bad that she blindsided me with this...she feels bad how it's effecting our kids.....and that she just doesn't want ot be married right now. She said she understands that it probably doesn't make sense to me, but it makes perfect sense to her....

is this a typical WAW feeling? i sorta think so...and i can sorta see her reasoning....after reading things on here anyways.

so some enlightenment would be great