So now you know WHY he left. What has lead us together is that after 6 weeks of a break I dent him a letter telling him that I had done introspection and realized what I had done. Not to the leve of detail above but enough. He never contacted me until near 8 weeks after the letter. He called me and we called back and forth for while until I cracked and asked why he was calling. He said it was to make sure I was comfortable in social sit IF we see each other. Well, that got me and I asked him to meet so we could get emotions on the table. He reluctantly agreed.
At the meeting we talked for 2 hours and he said that the letter was just word and he knows I am making changes but that he did not want to be together. He believes that I am pushing the problems back on him..I said he left after dropping this bomb and did not stick around to see the changes. So at the end we agreed to be friends and if something else happpens it will be a bonus.
He NEVER changes his mind. Stubborn and insecure.
So we have been talking once a week or so on the phone (he does not have email). Most calls by me but the calls are long, like an hour and we talk about personal stuff..not hows the weather. I get the feeling that he wants me to prove it OR that he feels guilty for walking out.
I am starting to think that to get beyond this I will have to ask for forgiveness.
Here are my thoughts of late. To do this I believe I would have to explain my list of actions (21 or so above) to him which would all tie to R talks. I am willing to do this. I want to do this.
Here are the challenges:
I only have phone contact with him. He does not have email. He does not seem to want to meet with me or see me. Letters he says are just words.
IF I asked him to meet me again he MAY not do it. I KNOW that I WANT to ask. However, I was trying to wait to see if he would talk to me more, want to hang out and then we would talk about it. This does not seem to be happening.
The timing is a BIG issue right now. He just went thru some personal things the past few months. Let me describe..
December My dad gets sick and his parents have a terrible accident
-He breaks up with me over the phone two days before New Years Eve bcause he feels taken for granted and unloved -He gets depressed at Xmas
January -He stays in New Years Eve March -Weekend #1 he has a personal incident -Weekend #2 he has another personal incident that is jsut like the weekend #1 except it got him into serious trouble and keeps him tied up emotionally until June
May -His dad is in hospital again
June -Personal issue is -over- but now is making him feel depressed, feels like he deserves all this and making him think about his life -Dad is in the hospital again and has to stay longer than anticipated and will have to go in again for another treatment. (Now the father sit is key bc his father is model and he has a love hate relationship with him)
July -He has to decide if he wants to rent another year. He goes thru this every year..he wants to by a place but has not looked and not found anything. With everything going on there is NO way he can find a place in one month so he will HAVE to renew rental again for a year (no 6 months..tried this) -His B-Day, July 25. Again he HATES his b-day and gets depressed.
So how do I do this, when do I do this? I wanted to give the phone thing a try until August and then ASK for Forgiveness..but that seems so long. It seems like me not admitting my faults to him is holding him up.
What would you all think about video taping my apology. Would this be outrageous. Has anyone tried this?
