So H just asked me today if he could have the girls stay tomorrow AND Sunday night. Last weekend was their first overnight there (one night) and it about killed me. Due to the way we are separated right now and the distance, he has to do all his midweek visiting here at the house. So weekends are his only chance for overnights. He has a really all over the place work schedule, so we have not set a routine for days yet. We are kind of taking it week by week, but in general he is seeing the girls 4 days a week.
Last weekend, I had 2 friends over for dinner the night the girls were gone and it STILL killed me. How on earth do I get through 2 nights? I've been a SAHM for 7 years, I have NO single friends, not any extra mad money, so trying to GAL and occupy myself is a bit hard right now.
I'll have church Sunday morning, but besides that, no plans. I couldn't sleep in last time he had the girls because I had an early Dr. appt. I could sleep in two mornings which will be nice, but if it's like last weekend ,I woke up at 6am (out of habit) and couldn't fall back asleep anyway.
I just hate this. I want to be doing stuff with them. Iwant to tuck my girls in to bed WITH him. I don't want to say my prayers over the phone. I hate this, I hate this.
I know for some, they enjoy having the "me" time, and you know when my marriage was in tact, getting me time was GREAT. But it just doesn't feel like a "treat" this way. It feels like the world being taken from me.
Help. How do you cope during your separation when you don't have your kids?
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Chris, I think we all know exactly how you feel. I can tell you the Sunday nights after I drop the girls off with my wife and Mondays are brutal sometimes. But with some time it has softened a good bit. I can tell you GALing is key to coping. Look at the town/city's parks and rec department for lots of good group ideas. Also look at meetup.com for groups in your area. Volunteer with local charities or with your church. There are a ton of things you can do to help yourself. Shoot getting a part time job in retail can be a good thing because it means interacting with lots of different people.
I can assure you of one thing, sitting at home or not getting involved in activities means an idle mind and idle hands. Both are the devil's playground.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Hi Chris, we're pretty much in the same sitch. My D is gone to the beach with XH this weekedn and it's killing me because I want to be there too.
I don't know what to say to make it better. Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I'm glad catfan wrote some suggestions for you! If you don't mind I think I'll see if I can steal a few.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Hey, Chris. For the near term, like this weekend, could you rent a couple movies that you couldn't watch with them? Or maybe read a book without interruption? GAL doesn't have to be spending money. During the day, you could even take yourself on a picnic, or something like that. Try to think of things that you don't get to do when you have the girls.
My XH and I share custody of D12. We always have...realizing that putting the kids in the middle was only going to hurt the kids. But during the summer, she spends a little more time with him because during the school year, she spends more time with me.
On those quiet moments, I learn to enjoy the solitude. I can watch what I want on television, hang around in the buff, or do whatever. If I need to get up and go, I can get up and go.
Mostly I do homework though...lol
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Chris, Last night I took a very long shower. It was nice not to have to worry about D and there were no interruptions. Just me and my thoughts.
Do what you wouldn't be able to do if they were there.
Amen to that!!! You would be amazed what you can come up with. But keep yourself busy...sometimes the down time can make your mind think.
I have found a great website that says amplifies the as if, so if I start thinking about the current situation, I take a deep breath, and dream of what I would like to happen. That helps tremendously, and my mood is ultimately improved.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
