Of course continuing to DB is the wrong thing to do! The marriage is over, communication gone, the history you've had has been rewritten by our spouse. What greater fools are we???
Oh my, that feels like a pity party. It feels nice, warm and fuzzy to my injured self until I realize I'm sitting in a cesspool.
Oops.
Continuing to DB falls into the same category as other healthy practices we started as part of this process.
Oh no, I'm not going to exercise anymore because I don't need the outlet for my anger and my marriage is over..
oops!
Not me, I'm not going to stay involved in these new activities and interests because my marriage failed.
uh oh...
I'm not a fool for trying to become a better person, which in turn makes me .. just me.. realize there might be hope for my marriage because of my new understanding.
The trick to avoid suffering is focusing on 'healing'. The better you, me and all of us get, the better our lives will be. When the sense of suffering comes up, re-evaluate what you're doing. Do you want to hurt.. or do you want to heal.
We have no control over our spouses. They are on their own path. Guess what.. so are we. Toss the rocks out of your shoes, put on sunblock, sunglasses, bring some water and start moving. Take care of yourself. Our spouses know where to find us.
