Whew...It took a while to find my dusty thread and then low and behold it finally gasped it's last breath. It carried on for longer than I could have imagined so certainly no complaints coming from me. I thought since I am alone in the home(more on that later)I would scribble a little. Since I have lost my job my M has been on the steady decline. I think it may be time to toss some towels around. Lord knows I have been in the boxing ring of conflict for long enough. I haven't had any job offers and the time elapsed is 5 months and running. I have had dreadful interviews and what I thought were good interviews all coming to the same end...nothing. I am constantly getting rejection letters from jobs that I have already had stating that I am not qualified...hmmm..I guess I will have to give all those bonuses back for excellent work because I must be a fraud. I have been told in the past that I need to strictly speak only of my M and the tools to resurrect it or fine tune it. My thought on this is that my marriage encompasses my entire life, children, Wife, family and employment or lack there of. My loss of employment hasn't caused my marriage to be in turmoil but it hasnt helped either. How I have handled it and how my wife has handled has. I am back to where I was when this all happened before. The pieceing aspect helped immensely but like anything that doesn't receive nutrients or care it will wilt and die. I am not sure I want to try to resurrect my M any longer because it is quite a ugly animal to me. My W hours of work I can no longer tolerate. She came home again at 9:30pm last night which seems to be the average and I exploded. When she got home she went straight to bed and that was the show. Normally she spends about a half hour telling me how much everyone loves her there and what dimwits she works with and then grabs some leftovers from dinner and goes to bed. Whenever I try to tell her my feelings on how she needs to try to get home earlier because of the kids and me needing some sort of break she goes into her "OH, here we go again!" or "What's a matter with you now?" Last night I went into the bedroom and yelled that she needs to see her kids for at least a half hour. She said that she has a headache and she was tired and that I would never understand. I have stated in the past that I worked a full time job and took care of the kids while averaging about 3-4 1/2 hours of sleep for years. Of course it's not the same. She yelled back at me "Fine, I guess I am a lousy parent!" She sighed deeply while with the kids and muttering things under her breath. I tried to talk to her but I was enraged so I went in the garage to play a little guitar. In about five minutes she starts banging on the door and screaming that I had locked it. I opened the door and she said that she can't take my behavior any longer, I am kooky and she is tired of me accusing her of things and the like. I just told her I wanted to be listened to and cared about as well. To talk about something other than HER and Little league baseball. She said she didn't want to hear it. That when I brought up everything that was pi$$ing me off. When I went camping with the oldest she had cleaned the garage and smashed a hat that I had had a Rasta make especially for me when I was living in the caribbean. She said knew nothing about it and oh well.... So anyway, I will probably be moving this little here thread out of Piecing and somewhere more appropriate...HELL WITH IMMACULATE CUPBOARDS...anyway..."UMMMM HMMM...Like a watermelon" peace...
