Where is the real me? What do I want?

[Purple]

I feel I need to bring up the coming to the house thing (again). I don't want to talk about it with him, that has not gone well in the past so I'm thinking of sending him the email below....

Hi There,

On Thursday when I came home, I found the mail on the kitchen bench. I am assuming that means you came home to do something. Even though we are mostly communicating by text and email at the moment, I’m hoping that I can write my request down as talking about this is nerve wracking for me because we have not been able to compromise on this in the past. If we can appreciate how the other person feels, it will bode well for us to get along in the future.

I realise there are times that you will need to come to the house. However, I do ask that you let me know beforehand that you are going to go to the house and why. It’s not about hiding stuff, it’s about respect for my space. I felt uncomfortable as I looked around the house and worried about the washing up that I hadn’t done and that things weren’t as neat as I would have like if I had have known you were popping around or if I had have been here. And then I worried about what books I had left out and while my head tells me that you wouldn’t snoop through my writings, there is a fear that you could have done so without me knowing. There is nothing here that I don’t actually want you to see but I would appreciate having the choice about what you see about my life. It makes me uncomfortable to have my living space entered without me knowing.

I believe I have said this before in counselling and I think in face to face conversations with you - it’s not about preventing you coming to the house, it’s about me feeling that you respect my space and privacy. I don’t have access to your place and whilst you legally have a right to be in our house, it is not your living space at this time. If I don’t say something about this, I will just stew on it and my feelings will come out somewhere/sometime else (and I do want to have a pleasant evening having dinner with you and d7 tomorrow night). I’m hoping that you won’t read this as a “get the fark out of my space” but instead read it as “I’d appreciate knowing that you respect my space”. I want to be able to tell you how I feel and have you listen to my reasoning rather than assuming that I am saying this because I have something to hide, because I don’t. It would mean a lot to me to hear you think of my feelings instead of “Tough. I’ll come and go as I please, It’s my house too”.


Does it convey the following
* I feel disrespected when you come to the house without asking
* I don't want to keep you from the house altogether
* I'm not hiding anything
* I want my space to be respected
* I am nervous about setting this boundary with you because I have not been able to do so in the past
*I do not want to start a fight and increase the distance between us
* I want to feel that I can ask for a boundary to be respected
* I don't want to push him further away but I do not want to compromise myself any more

Whatcha reckon?