My H changed his myspace info, from married to in a relationship, then he changed his top friend to her (with my picture right next to her, WTF??). The most painful part is that he changed the part where it said he doesnt want kids to he wants them someday. I have been wanting kids for a while now, but he didnt, so I kept my mouth shut. Its just another coulda shoulda woulda.
When I saw that I called him this is what was said: Me: "So you want kids now?" H: "yes" (quietly) M: "Me too! (crying) Why didnt you say anything? I would daydream about how we could tell your mom. How long have you wanted kids?" H: "For a while now." M: "I even thought of a name, Aaron Christopher" H: "I dont know what to say"
I dont know what to say is a big improvement over the usual silence. I found out about the affair through myspace, found out that it was still going on through there, everyone else found out that way, it was mortifying. This hurts so much.
I sent her a text, I know, bad idea, it said: I just want you to know that I do love him. With everything I have. Please Please stop this.
She sent one back that said: I think You have the wrong number or something.
So my freind called the # and asked if april was availible, and she said "no, this is dallas' phone." So it I had the right number, she just didnt want me to call her on her actions.
I replied: Oh, I thought you were the girl having an affair with my husband. I just wanted to tell her that I do love him and ask if she remembered how much it hurt when her husband cheated on her. Thats all, sorry to bug you.
Dont worry, I wont contact her again, I said everything that I had to say.
Im so tired of this, I thought that I had cried all I could, but I was wrong!
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I spent the night crying, spent almost the whole day in bed. Not really feeling bad, just exhausted. I havent heard from him today, but I will see him tomorrow. The thing about the children is SO painful, I had a miscarriage last winter, and have wanted a baby since, knowing now that we both wanted it, just couldnt be open about it is almost a worse bomb than finding out about the PA. This is something that I really want to talk about, what do you guys think? We havent discussed the miscarriage since it happened, I just dont know.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Hey bluerain, I am sorry to hear about your sitch, but it sounds like the kind of deep pain that no one would know how to handle. I hope you can find some comfort in God. I will add you to my watch list so I can follow your sitch and try to be of some support. Stay strong and pray.
Thank you so much for your support. Do you think that it would be at all productive to talk about the miscarriage right now? I think that this might strike a nerve with him, and remind him of our past, you know?
I want to talk about it, not necessarily with him, but it was his child, so he seems the most appropriate.
I just dont know anymore.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I will attempt to answer your question. You may be right that it would strike a nerve with him and remind him of your past. First ask yourself what is the overall picture that you would like to gain with him? Are you wanting to get him back? If that is the case and talking about the miscarriage right now is a touchy subject with him you may want to wait a little bit and play if by ear. Would talking to him about the miscarriage put you any closer to your goal? The DR book says to try to approach things with a beginners mind kinda like square one again. Can you achieve some ground being friends? You said that he took the D papers with him and hasn't mentioned it since. You are still in there and no one gets a D in a week, just doesn't work that way. Get a copy of The Divorce Remedy and start there if you haven't already. It will help you focus on the big picture and your goals. Read the bible, in the back go to the concordance and look up husband, wife, marriage, and then you can reference where in the bible it talks about these things. Also in Matthew 6:6 it talks about prayer. God needs your attention, faith, and trust right now and you need him. One last thing go to http://www.rejoiceministries.org look at the Q&A, there is about 23 pages of questions, 10 per page that are helpful. While you are there be sure to sign up for the daily e-mails, I have found those to be very helpful. All of these things are help build you up and give you strength. The toughest thing is having patients this just takes time, trust me it sucks, my W has been out for 3 months and I'm still not sure where I am with her. You can take a look at my thread on Walk Away Spouse: Where am I at in this thing. Anyway bluerain try to stay strong and hang in there. God and praying are the best things you can do.
I dont feel like Im gaining any ground. As soon as I feel better he does something else. I wanted to talk to him about the miscarriage because I thought it might have something to do with why he wants to leave, and maybe giving it some closure would help both of us.
We are really good friends, today was a great day, we spent quite a while talking and laughing, but then he tried to give me the papers again. And I felt like I was dying. It has just been such a painful last few days. I have to get better at controlling myself. As soon as he starts to talk about M or D I lose it. I cant help it. I know it doesnt help, but I have such a hard time staying calm.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
bluerain...i also like rejoiceministries.com...their daily devotionals are awesome! Another site that is really inspirational, is joelosteen.com. he's really inspiring...especially when I am having my days...and I have been at this for a year now!! slow breaths girl! one minute, one hour, one day at a time...take it as it comes...divorces although easy this day in age, take time....and time truly is on your side.
Take care of yourself hugs christarn
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
You are going to have to pull yourself together. If you feel as strong in your heart about him as you say you do then you need to find your confidence and STAND for you marriage. I have read that most PA's last about 6 months. Do you have anyone to talk to other than on here? What reasons other than the OW do you think he may have for leaving? Is he not attracted to you physically or emotionally or something else? I don't mean this to sound weird or anything, but D is spiritual warfare. The devil works at trying to get marriages divorced. The bible says that God hates divorce and does not condone it. The devil will constantly attack you he will not give up thats just the way it works, but it is also why you have to stand your ground and stand for what you believe in. God is always with you, he waits on you, you have free will, he will not force your decisions, but he loves you. Kristin I know how you feel when you say you feel like you are dying. This is so emotional, trust me I have done my share of crying and if truth be known I'm probably not done crying, but I am looking to the Lord for strength. I pray everyday that my W would return home, hoping that she will walk through the door one day and be here to stay. One day things look on the up another day it looks like you've lost all ground, makes you feel like they are just reaching in and ripping your heart out while you watch them do it and it seems not to care or bother them at all. My W doesn't really come around and hardly ever calls. I pretty sure she isn't having any PA's or EA's but it sure leaves me so lonely. The love of my life treats my like I don't exist at least that's what it feels like. I will try to be here for you, I know how it feels, I'm looking for support myself.
Honestly I think it may be a MLC, but hes only 31, hes suddenly become terribly unhappy with me, his job, his truck, our house, hes working out like crazy and is worried about his hair turning grey.
My 180's that Ive been doing were to lose weight (down 38lbs!), learn how to wear makeup, and dress more femininely. Theyre coming along nicely, and today I think I may have caught him looking at me "like that". I didnt say anything about it, but it really made me feel good. I told him how good hes been looking lately, I think maybe I was too critical, and not supportive enough. I changed my birth control and the different hormones have made a big difference in my libido. That was another one of the reasons he gave for leaving. In the last few days I found out that he had wanted to start a family, we had both always been adamant that we did not want kids, but I have wanted to have a baby for a while, but I didnt know that he had changed his mind too. We never talked about it, and that seems like a good reason to want to leave a marriage, but not without talking about it!
Ive been praying in the morning and at night, I try to give the m and my H to God, then I can focus on making myself a better person, and pursuing my own bliss.
Thanks Sooner and christarn
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
