Too late for DB for us, #9 (was in separated)

[cw68]

My H is a f-er. Talk about not living in reality! Here's an email he just sent in response to me sharing (per our MC's advice) some of the actions of our children.

"That is unfortunate and I do realize that this situation is having an impact on them.

Of course, children will act out and display negative emotions regardless of their family situation, they will also find things to be unhappy about under any circumstances. This is a natural part of them growing and learning to deal with the various emotions. D7 and S5 had tantrums and blamed us for their fits of unhappiness long before any of this came about and they would have continued to do so regardless of whether we were together or apart. They also act out more with you (before and after), because they are around you more and you are more likely to be the recipient of their negative energies, again whether we were together or apart.

Its so interesting how focused we as a society are on the miseries and failures of children that have divorced parents, why don’t we dissect all the [censored] up or unsuccessful adults who came from married homes and normal adults who came from non-traditional families? How do we explain all the pain, dysfunction, emotional voids and depression that adults who came from traditional homes experience and struggle with (my mom and her sister, your sister, all perfect examples), I guess it just isn’t as interesting, or at the end of the day, we cannot accept that individual family circumstances are so widely varying and unique that there is no one right answer.

Anyway, I’m not trying to diminish the affect this has on D7 and S5 or to suggest that this is ideal for them. But I’m not going to accept that because they are the product of a divorce they will have less joy, opportunity, that they will be allowed to fail or be doomed (or damned as you say) to a life of diminished returns. I don’t believe that to be true, it is an antiquated view of reality and really I think it is complete B.S. I know we disagree and I know you think I’m not the person you thought I was because I have this perspective, etc. and that’s fine, I understand your perspective. In this case, we can agree to disagree. In general I believe that people have to deal with pain, difficulties and challenges in life no matter what and that the way we learn to rise above these challenges is what will ultimately shapes us as individuals."

F-er. (Yes, I'm ticked off.)