Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[Scott123]

SG,

Thank you for your support you have no idea how much I
appreciate all of you guys here.

I know exactly what you mean about keeping my anger in
check. I'm not really angry, just resentful and I'm
trying to control that because I know they are toxic
emotions.

I do think she is still pushing my buttons, but the fact that
there is another guy is really hurtful.

When I do confront her, when she asks me for money again,
which is probably going to be over the weekend I am going to
lay down the new law so to speak. I will be totally calm but
firm and explain that I can no longer support her in any
way financially. I cannot give her any money at all and
I'll explain why - because I have seen all the casino
charges, frivolous spending and because of the fact that
she filed for divorce and we are separated. I will only
be responsible for the kids from now own... period.

I'm also going to tell her that I am extremely worried about
her and the girls because of the drinking, smoking, going out
and leaving them home and the neglect. She will have to
face all of this head on. I'm just going to tell her flat
out what I've noticed happening and tell her that she
has an incredible family and awesome friends that will help
support her in overcoming anything she is dealing with,
but that she is the one who has to deal with all of it herself.
We cannot solve the problems for her, but we'll be there for her.

The older couple we are friends with are going to contact her
and tell her that they are in a small bind and need some of
the money that she has borrowed from them and never made
an attempt to pay back. They are not doing it to get any money,
they are just doing it to try and positively pressure her.
She is going to have lots of bills piled up this month, the
kids need school cloths, the car needs maintenance as
well as the house, she has debts to pay, smoking habit, groceries
need to be bought etc. Hopefully all of this hitting her at
once will help her see the real hole she is in. I talked
to gamanon and they said it is the perfect opportunity for
a positive confrontation.

What pains me most is the kids. This really sucks for them. I'm
going to try and get them away form the house as much as
possible over the next week and let her wallow in all of
her misery so hopefully she'll crack and crash.

The older couple said if she breaks down when I confront her
to try and get her to go and talk to them together with me. She
really respects them and they want to help her so with a little
hope this could be the chance.

As for my feelings toward her in terms of our relationship. I
am hurt and trying to quell the resentment that is brewing. I
know I probably should not pay much attention to what she says,
but it really is hard not to. I get so many mixed signals
from her. I mean I just cannot see how we could go from being the
best of friends where she is telling me how deeply she is
in love with me and wanting to get remarried a few months ago
to not being friends at all and jumping into another
relationship. I mean regardless of the setback I had... it
just does not compute. I guess she is using the gambling,
going out, drinking and the OM as an escape from all of
the problems she has created. That's how I look at it?

As far as my mental health through all this... I feel GREAT! I'm
actually proud of myself for keeping it all together and having
a clear head. I know I would never be able to do this in the past
under all that crap I was dealing with.

I know today will be a little tough, because of all that has
happened, but I'm just going to try and keep focused on having
a good time with the kids tonight.

Do you really think most of what she is saying to me is meaningless?
I mean she's said some pretty deep stuff and she seems
pretty damn serious about getting divorced and moving on.

- Scott