((((Yoyo))). I was just catching up on your situation and am sorry it took a turn for the worst. I'm not trying to make excuses, but my emotionally breakdown last night got me thinking...If we can be doing so well for a period of time can then slip back into the blackness, isn't it possible that they can too?
I hope things can right themselves again.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks everyone for the kind words and support. Honestly, I am doing okay. I guess I have been burned so many times, I'm kind of numb.
Originally Posted By: Deauxlie
I think maybe OW was angry about him going to the lake with you and set this up so you'd find out and get angry enough to divorce him....
I think you are close to hitting the nail on the head. The exH also told me that their house has been put on the market. Their son said that Monday night his mother and her sister, nephew, and my H moved the few things that were the exH's into the garage. What gets me it wasn't that many things for her to have to call my H. The nephew is 19 and very capable of helping. I just think it was an excuse to call my H.
When I talked to my H I told him I was aware of also going over to help her move. He said that she called and asked him to bring a dolly over to move some things into the garage. Okay, it's a 2000 sq. ft one story house. I don't think it would have been that difficult to carry things out into the garage. The heaviest thing we are talking about is a bed frame! He said he went over there and helped them and left. He said he wasn't over there more than 15 minutes. He was trying to act like it was no big deal.
When the exH told me all of this I called my DD20 who lives with my H. She confirmed that OW and her son came over to the house and were in the driveway talking to H. (So I'm assuming the OW took it upon herself to stop by to visit and my H was too weak to let her leave without sleeping with her.) DD said she left because she didn't want to be around her. She said when she got back her car was gone. She said I didn't know they spent the night. She must have had her car in the garage. It's amazing how little regard they have for their children. What the he!! are they teaching their kids? It's alright to have an adulterous affair right under their nose. The sad thing is that her son is only 10 and already being exposed to such trash.
When I asked my H about them being over that night I told him that the exH had called and told me after a while. I didn't want him thinking DD had told me which he told me initially that's what he thought. In a way I'm upset that DD didn't tell me, but I also understand because she didn't want to in the "don't kill the messenger" situation. She has absolutely no faith in her dad anyway and has told me numerous times she wishes I would just give up.
If you all recall a few weeks ago my friend got caught cheating on her H. I thought they were working on things and then all of sudden while her H was at work she came home and packed everything in the house and moved. She wiped him out. My H and her H are very good friends. My H has been right there supporting her H. I told him that he had no right to judge the W and he said I know and I told the H that. I told him I hated this was happening to their family, they have two adult children and they are very upset too, of course. My H is at least getting a chance to see what it does to a family. He never acknowledged the hurt he caused me and our daughters. He always said it was just between me and him and had nothing to do with the girls. I think he is seeing now a very different side to what adultery does to a family.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
(((YOYO))) Back to the legal question. You can ASK that your H pay for things even if you file....that's what I did. However, I ended up paying for my lawyer and he paid for his. Depends on your lawyer and the negotiations. If you decide to file, my advice is to listen to your lawyer and not try to negotiate with your H! I did too much of that and gave up way too much. Even the judge looked at me on the day of the divorce and asked, "You agreed to THAT?" I think when we first started the negotiations I never thought we'd really go through with the divorce so I was trying to be agreeable. Also my H could manipulate me so well!!!
I hope you don't need a lawyer. Maybe your H will be hit by a firecracker and come to his senses!!!
Just know I'm thinking positive thoughts for you, Yoyo! You'll be ok no matter what!!!!!
What gets me it wasn't that many things for her to have to call my H. The nephew is 19 and very capable of helping. I just think it was an excuse to call my H.
Yep, a total excuse! Horrible! But still your H has the responsibility for being with her like that--she wasn't holding a gun to his head or whatever, so I think he is horrible, too. And the lying--what does Puppy say about that???--Cheaters always lie or something like that--clearly that is true. I am realizing that more as time goes on that is very true. And I think they not only lie to us but themselves too (to be able to live with themselves).
I am so so sorry you are going through this!!! I hope you will post whenever you feel like you need to--you have helped me and so many others here and been there for us, so it's good we can be there for you when you need it!!! Karen
What gets me it wasn't that many things for her to have to call my H. The nephew is 19 and very capable of helping. I just think it was an excuse to call my H.
Yep, a total excuse! Horrible! But still your H has the responsibility for being with her like that--she wasn't holding a gun to his head or whatever, so I think he is horrible, too. And the lying--what does Puppy say about that???--Cheaters always lie or something like that--clearly that is true. I am realizing that more as time goes on that is very true. And I think they not only lie to us but themselves too (to be able to live with themselves). Karen
I totally agree Karen. He could have said no, but he didn't. He fell right into her trap. He is weak, liar, and a cheat. Funny things he keeps saying there are some things I need to change about myself. He needs to look in the mirror. Of course I don't tell him these things. It wouldn't do any good. After all cheaters always have a reason!
He told me last night that his life was miserable and he was stressed and I didn't understand. I told him I knew he had taken on too much in his business and I have offered many times to try to help him. I also told him that stringing along two women didnt't help with the stress and he agreed.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
CanI come by and knock ur H up along side his head?
maybe even slap the OW around a bit. I thought she was looking for another job?
H
Husband, I'll send you the address. Not only does she work for him, she also lives in the same neighborhood as him. So it would be very convenient for you to take care of both of them.
As far as the job goes, I guess she decided the pay and the "perks" were too good to go.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Sorry I've been hard to reach lately. Major problems with my S24 yesterday. He ran S19's car into the ground and then complained all day that it was my fault he didn't have a truck to pull boats with since he has been in the boat business for 24 hours now, and time is money, and he was losing money. I tried to make him see that since it was my car that was destroyed, I was the one losing money not him. But you can't make a narcissist see anything. The wailing went on til his father got home from work. Then it miraculously stopped and he said if I put a hitch on my car he could use that to pull boats when he needed it. Just don't know that I want to let him borrow any more of my cars. Now I have to get the other car towed and see if it is worth fixing. In the middle of this that my daughter did arrive. It is so wonderful to see her. But I was hoping that we could show her how much more pleasant our family is to be around than it used to be. Of course, she thinks nothing has changed. Her brother is still taking everybody else's stuff and breaking it, and then saying what garbage it was to begin with.
Yoyo - Crap crap crap... I was hoping that you would guys would make it. I am so sorry that you have to go through this pain again. I know you and I have been through the ups and downs so darn many times. I really feel for you.
One time last summer when my stbx was leaning my way, ow called and "needed" some manly assistance.. I found out.. needless to say that was the end of that..
