As far as getting served, if you both have a lawyer, your lawyer can probably be served instead of you. That's what I did. My husband was planning on serving me when the kids weren't around. I didn't want to touch the papers.
I've been separated, living in different states since June of 2007. I haven't spoken to my husband since late Dec. 2007. Him and OW changed their numbers the weekend before he filed....BEHIND MY BACK. I found out 20 minutes after he filed by calling th circuit clerk in the county he lives in.
So if you don't want to experience the waiting and suspense, I believe you can call the circuit clerk in the county your husband lives in and ask.
Funny b/c my husband used separation as grounds, which is one of five or six grounds for divorce in Arkansas, but a lot of dates don't match up (ex., correct birthdates for our children but way off on the date of our marriage) I thought he would file under general indignities which is similar to irreconcilable differences, but you have to prove it...and if separation is used, you have to be separated at least 18 mos before filing and you have to provide a witness who knows from their own knowledge, not what your spouse says or tells them that the both of you have been separated for at least 18 mos. My time is up for that around this Dec. Also weird how one of the papers that was signed kind of doesn't look like my husband's signature.
Well it took me almost 3 weeks to file a response b/c I was thinking about a lot. My husband represented himself...guess thinking I wouldn't have a CLUE he filed b/c I live in another state...he did his filing pretty sloppy. I hired an attorney. So even though I could've counter-filed to make the divorce grounds valid, I filed a motion to dismiss. The divorce was dismissed 3 mos. later. My husband was given 50 days to amend his complaint and he never did. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows what the judge ordered. Right now I'm waiting for him to be served with child support papers. We have 2 kids...one is 3 yrs old the other is almost 1. Maybe that will be a wake up call for him.
So, I guess what I'm trying to help you to see is that anything can happen at any time.
My husband used to tell me he's going to file...told his family, told his gf and her family....took him almost 8 mos to file...but for whatever reason and nly he and God knows why...it wasn't done right and even though he had the 50 days to amend his complaint, he didn't...
Hang in there and try not to worry so much. There are many people who get back together regardless of the situation.
You know, the thing I don't get, is if there is a business contract. partners cannot break the contract with a mess of legal wrangling. When it comes to a marriage contract, it doesn't seem to matter, one person can just say they want out and the other is looking saying "huh?!?"
I believe that not all marriages should be salvaged...obviously the ones where abuse is involved, criminal activity, and such. However, when there is a marriage that maybe just had some differences, why shouldn't counseling be mandatory? I mean, if communication is the key problem, and there is a chance to salvage the marriage before it is too late, then I think it should be harder to get divorced. Its so easy now, 90 days, in Texas its 60. No waiting period, no legal separation, no cooling off period. The thing is even in states where there is a legal separation, it can be relatively easy to get around.
Its sad that divorce is so acceptable, but breaking a business contract could take years. What does that say?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It says the legal system works, but not in the way it was intended.
Most folks file for divorce because they've already found somebody or something that makes it worth the effort to leave the stability they've known.
The 'cooling off' period is a honeymoon phase for the one who files (after their initial sorrow). The candy store is open again, guilt free. They have already left, checked out while the unexpecting spouse is shocked then mortified to discover obvious indicators they never expected. Or if they brought them up, they were denied. Who wants to admit being caught in a lie?
Most people leave when there's a more viable alternative. In the same way very few people leave a job without a new one lined up, don't buy a house without being ready to sell their current home.. spouses leave.
And it's annoying. I should wait at least a year until after the divorce papers are signed for my own well being. And here he is living with someone much younger living having the life he wants. It didn't seem fair. He gets it all, the choice to leave, to force a divorce giving me no say or chance, feeling 'young' again.
I hear you guys. The way they make divorce so acceptable kills me. In Colorado its 90 days, no counseling, no mandatory separation. If you have kids you have like a 2 hour coparenting class you have to take. That's it.
I should have known when I was finding out the info on getting married here. You don't even need anyone to marry you. You two can look at each other, say "we're married" sign the papers and you are done. No judge, no officiant, nothing.
Should have given me an indication on how little Colorado values marriage.
Honestly, I really feel like the only difference between the 50% that get divorced, and the 50% that done (barring the extreme cases like abuse etc..) is commitment.
I even said so to H. He lives in la la land though and seems to think, no the 50% that get divorced could have NEVER felt like him and fallen out of love with their spouses. There is NO recovery from that. And of course he does nothing to read or look up info on that to see just how normal it is. And of course it coming from me means nothing. This divorce is just SO senseless on so many levels.
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Texas is the same way. You only have to give others the "assumption" of marriage by referring to another person as the spouse, and bam...common law marriage.
I really believe that unless there are exestential circumstances, a mandatory period of marital counseling should be required. I think more marriages would be saved. I also believe that the courts should be as strict as they were 30/40 years ago on divorce. Its not that everyone should remain married, but everyone should have a fighting chance to save their marriage (with the obvious exceptions)
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
In the grand scheme of things, I don't think that is much to ask.
I know that there are certain judges in El Paso who now require marital counseling before a divorce, but most of the time that is when the couple shares children. I think that it SHOULD be mandatory for couples with children, but also with couples where there are stepchildren. I don't know that the XH and I could have benefited from that, but the thing was that we willingly went through marital counseling, and came to the realization that it wasn't going to work. We separated and divorce amicably with the agreement that we would never put the children in the middle. That is an agreement we have managed to keep, although we don't always see eye to eye.
However, it is just so easy for your spouse to look at you, say oh you are flawed I cant live with you, and walk away. Well H E DOUBLE TOOTHPICKS DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PERFECT??? ?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
