Who knows what goes on inside the heads of these people? In the end, it so doesn't matter... IC did mention that one of the problems that people who jump from one R to another, is they never give themselves time to process, time to grieve and heal, so keep making the same problems happen over and over again--they never learn or grow.

My D9 went through a similar separation anxiety. She would ask where I was going when I got up to go to the kitchen, panic in her eyes. Went on for about 2 months. Also was hard at bedtime, for both kids. S12 even wet the bed a few times, early post-sep. D still has occasional bouts of it, a year post-sep. It has to be compounded with you, being so far away for so long. Is there any chance that you would be called back?

How did D15 end up in Thailand, of all places? Just the difference in food might have made her loose weight--I hope not. I know that its been a major challenge for you. I hope that you being home will help her get onto a more even keel, but you are right that throwing divorce into the mix, now of all times, will just add more stress. Is there any possible way that your W would see a child counselor, who could explain all of the consequences of a divorce--sometimes they might go (no promises that they will actually listen), if it is framed as doing what is right for the kids, rather than trying to do anything for the M.

The first thing I asked x after the A was discovered, was how will you ever look your children in the eyes again? He had no answer, but apparently did enough mental gymnastics to justify his decisions. It is the only way these people can wake up and face themselves in the mirror each day.

Yep, we were at the D mall. The kids had a great time, and I lived through it, so all is well \:\) Grieving feels so much different than desperation, much more manageable. I think I miss being married, more than even him, specifically.

x called the kids a little while ago. They both told him everything that we did, how much fun they had. I know that he will be pissed that we were at the same place he was, that the kids could have stopped by to see him, and we didn't--that will again be my fault. Ah, there is his justification right there--I'm the bad guy.

All of this is so close, it makes me want to squirm sometimes.

One day this past week, my D had a playdate planned with a friend down the street in the afternoon. GF's D calls in the morning, asks D to come for a swim--her dad will be home soon, and her mom will "stay in the house." (Blech) She turns and asks me, and I say ok...I am really trying hard to not let this whole crappy adult thing get in the way of the kids. Oh, but wait--you already made a playdate!! So, D calls back and tells the girl she forgot, but maybe another time.
Kicker? The gf calls the other mom to see if my D really had a playdate planned!!! Um, I am not the lier, dumba$$. Stupid still doesn't realize that this other mom is one of my best friends and tells me everything.

It just illustrates the point to me, again getting me to live in reality, that these people will and are doing all they can to cast me in the most deplorable of lights, in an effort to ease their consciences. Too bad for them that I am really a pretty decent person; makes it harder for them.

I am reading that book, The CoParent Survival Guide, and it just makes me so sad that we are in this place. It will be very challenging for me to keep the conflict level low, which is the best thing for my kids. The only way that I can accomplish that for the time being is zero contact outside of email, and keeping the focus on me as much as possible. I am the duck; I'm even ignoring the snide comments in the emails.

Happy Fourth of July, to you FLTC and all who serve!!! Happy Independence Day, for all levels of meaning!!!