Ugh. I'm sorry. Her behavior is bad and her words are meaningless.


I loved what you did here:

Quote:
1. She did a similar routine in the past whether the OM was real
or not. She stressed wanting to have sex with other men because
they make her feel wanted, going into details etc. and it was
quite obvious to get me jealous. It's actually what brought
us back together sort of. She initiated the conversations
too.

2. She initiated this last conversation after I went dark
on her. hmmmm

3. Just some of the things she was saying are not like her
at all if you knew her. the double talk about not blaming me
and then "I'm the reason why" reeks of trying to get me jealous
or to try and see how I react. as in - will he get angry, go
into a rage etc.

4. The hug was really weird especially how tight she
was holding me and not letting go. I had to kind of
push her off me before the kids came in. She wanted to
keep squeezing me and she was burying her head under
my chin. She could not get any closer to me if she tried.
First physical contact we have had in about 6 weeks.

5. the fact that she stalled me so she could get all dolled
up. I mean she went the whole 9 yards, with makeup, new clothes,
perfume etc. I even asked, "oh, are you going out? Because
you can use my car while we are gone since we'll have the van."
She said "No that's ok, I'm not going anywhere and don't need
the car" hmmmmm

Yeah, I don't really have any ultimatums for her. I mean
I want to help her if anything especially with the
gambling. Hopefully well learn exactly how to do that
at the gambling anon meeting.

Also learned another little tid bit of info today. I was talking
to the older couple we are friends with and she told me that
my W was talking to her about our divorce for a week or so
before she filed and she was unsure what to do. She kept
saying that she thinks she should just send in the paper work.
Our friend said "You better be sure because you are talking
about something that is going to change your lives" and W
was not sure what to do and said she had mixed feelings.

So I'm taking it that shes not committed on the D as much
as I initially thought.

After we got back I simply acted as if everything was fine and
like nothing even happened. I could tell she was scoping me out
and watching my every move and reaction. I simply hung out
with the kids and had a cookout. She went to our friends to
help with a baby who was sick.

Now here's my question.

Should I go really dark now and use LRT and basically have
no contact with her at all unless she initiates... and when
and if she does initiate it just to act "as if" and cut
the conversation short?

I'm wondering if the above was a kind of pursuit by her. I mean
why the heck would she need to contact me at like 5 AM to tell
me she "met someone else"? it seems like she wants me to
chase her or something.





Going dark is the best thing right now. You need time and space from her and she needs some serious consequences.

Now here's the thing.....if you show your anger, it's going to make what you do less effective.....even if you get mad enough not to care about DBing.


Do what you've planned to do on the house or with the girls OR just take a break from all of it and take care of yourself for a bit......although your kids are better with YOU right now. (THAT'S NOT DB ADVICE....THAT'S MY OPINION)


Don't engage in these long dialogs with her because they don't mean anything, she's just trying to hurt you and or play you depending on the moment.



I'm proud of you....you write well, you describe your situation well, you analyze the advice you've been given well .... you owned up to your past mistakes, changed your behavior....you will not need to second guess yourself.....that's a good thing

sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001