I'm getting a little tired of always getting upset after talking to spouse."
Work is hard.. you will always have some Emotion tied up here. And it is easier to go with what you know.
I keep thinking that if I find the kernel that gets me, I'll be able to let it go and life will be hunkdory.
""constructive destruction" always made me feel better."
I don't know that I would have thought of that as a GAL activity.. but I can see where it would work. I am gonna tuck that away in the memory bank. You may see it used sometime.
Of course you should use it. It's positively brilliant! Although most people look at me a little strangely when I talk about doing that.
"So much of this time has been spent in self doubt, feeling like what I do accomplish isn't enough."
Just to point out.. the SIL was seeking you out.. Now.. I am a bit slow.. but I think she saw all the hard work you did.
Good point.. never thought of it that way!
"It was a great feeling to address an issue and feel comfortable about it."
Excellent!
I gave myself lots of gold stars on that one!
I have an odd question.. or statement.
The bump on the head.. I seem to remember you spent a lot of time doing "nothing". Could this "physical activity" that seems to calm you be a "effect" of that? Please.. don't take that wrong.. I am just not really sure how to word that question.
After the whack, I realized I'd let my fear of doing something kept me from making basic decisions.. like having a walkway for a 22 year old house that didn't have one (and we'd been in there 12), that my first inclination was to be defensive toward my spouse.. even when he'd mention buying new towels. I just started "doing". Since I couldn't do much physically, I called contractors and got things taken care of.
I coined "constructive destruction" twelve years ago when I found that when I was really upset, whacking down helpless bushes, tearing apart some things helped me by doing hard work that needed to be done and throwing my anger into it.
Long ago mental institutions would calm down frenzied patients by putting them in straight jackets, place them in a steam bath that looked like a bathtub but with a lid on it, then turn up the steam. They would comment on how you would hear the heels of the patients thundering up and down. I think when they stopped thunking, they'd wait a bit, then let them out.
I figured my method had more merit.
"I'm almost thinking that it would be best if just the kids go to the BBQ."
You go.. and let them decide if they want to. Worst case.. you end up going alone. SIL called you.. I gotta expect.. she would like to see you.
At the time I didn't know spouse would be gone for two weeks. I think that's what made the invitation possible since there'd be no conflict. They didn't want him to know they invited me.
My mother-in-law said... The first time everyone (i.e., me without her son but with the kids) is together will be the hardest. After that it will be much easier.
"I felt myself regressing to the cower in the cobwebs persona because I was afraid someone got angry at me.. maybe even a few people did. Guess what.. I faced it, posted about it.. dealt with it. That felt positive."
Now see.. I have to go read MFT's thread now.. I feel I missed some Drama. God I hate that. (I kinda knew something was up.. Now I gotta go read it.) Like I did not have enough reading to do..
You poor dear... *hugs*
"My infamous brother suggested I bow out of the BBQ. I know folks will be drinking (and they can drink) and since I won't be, it might get a little tough. More stuff than is needed might come out.. or I may trip and say too much. In the past his family has not been the nicest to me. Perhaps I'll invite my niece to come down this weekend and hang with us instead of going to the fete."
This kinda changes things.. maybe. I am confused.
The party.. yea I missed something.. maybe. I just read start to finish this post.. I reserve the right to question you.. later.. tonight!
I retrieved my niece yesterday (spouse's sister's daughter) so she and my daughter could hang out. They've had some huge tumult, having to remove their second son (15 years old) from the household to a treatment program. I figured she and my daughter would be the best company for each other.
I have to learn to be like that sis-in-law. By the time I called to say we were home, they'd made plans to hang out in Boston until coming back in time for the BBQ! I want some of her GAL!
I'm feeling better about what I'm doing. I'll go up, enjoy myself (sans spirits). I'll do whatever is best for me.
