i need to vent. i was at a sales meeting all week- lots of guys..major flirting for me. ive never been a big flirter- just with my H. i truly felt guilty and freaked out from flirting w other men. i am so scared that i will have to go out into the dating world and i hate it- all about sex and it makes me sad. my H hasnt replied to an invite i sent him for a concert (last minute) that invited him to tonight and i am extra sad....i am getting impatient and i need help. i feel like i cant do anything about it- and i know i cant fix him but i am just so annoyed. i dont want it to end, but i cant stand the fact that this is going so slow. dont worry- i wont do anything to f it up but im just so frustrated and lonely.
the singles world is gross and i am just so not excited about it- i hope i dont have to do it.....feeling crappy.
help
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
OMG! went sooooo well- he opened up so much about everything! he said he realized he needs to change, that i have made so many changes already, he sees that the grass isnt greener....everything i wanted to hear! music to my ears! i am elated...we hugged for sooo long- i kissed his neck...i am sooo excited. i know i need to back off and give him space still..i said its fine to take things slowly...im here for him any time to talk as friends! he said this week was really hard for him bc work finally slowed down and he had time to think- he went through the same feelings i did last night about being in the singles world and told his friend that he wanted to leave a bar...he said it was awful. YAY!!!!! he said he still isnt sure (ya right!) ... i really listened and validated, but my tongue and let him talk and get it out...every time i wanted ot say something and i started- he would say more...he kept going and going. he found his voice! this is the #1 thing he didnt have...and he is using it...so much more! i am on cloud 9- i will be calm and cool...i promise
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
thanks Neil and GFI! im so elated- i cant believe he said all that. YES_ space, patience and Validate....i wont get to overly excited...but right now with you guys i am he was like a turtle that is slowly coming out of his shell- he had such a hard time saying this at the beginning of our talk an then the flood gates opened...holy cow! patience and validating and reflective listening (neil gave me this idea) really work- he was able to keep going...i only said a little opinion from my end- but otherwise i just let him get it out and it was unreal!
i love all the faces! i think i made them all today!!!!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
here are some things i said- "so it sounds like you're saying..." and i also said..."so you mean..." and a lot of i understand and uh huhs... and "i appreciate you opening up to me"...."wow, you've gotten some clarity"...thats great .... "i like spending time with you and taking things slow"...."no decisions have to be made now".....its a lot of repeating the same statements or just staying quiet too. he filled in all the blanks...it was really nutso- i am still shocked and a bit scared...i still dont know what to make of it all- i know its all good- but it scary bc i truly cant believe he said it all...it was basically everything i wanted him to say (except lets get back together!).....my fear was that he wouldnt be able to change- and he can and has-- he really acknowledged everything...now it just has to sink in for both of us....
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
we ate an entire dinner out at a restaurant...he was able to talk about work and issues he's dealing with there- i really listened, reflected back what he said (so it sounds like...or ....do you mean?...) and heard him and let him speak a lot...i said a bit of my stuff...but mostly his stuff...then at the end there was a lull...and he said "so how are things...?" with a laugh...(meaning the sep/ R when he said things)...i said "good..." and smiled...then i said how are things for you.....and he said " its been a rollercoaster..." ...he wanted me to ask and he took a deep breath and almost cried...and the rest is above...i let him initiate all R talk...i bit my tongue when i was talking about myself too much or really at all...i let him get out what he needed to say with just listening and nodding and hearing him- he had a hard time at the start then the food gates opened...
i talked with my DB coach- Jody- who is amazing today. she said he could very likely get overwhelmed and retreat for a bit- i just need to keep doing what i am doing...ACT AS IF im strong enough to deal with the truth. that really has helped me...and be casual friends...this is very delicate...its everything ive been hoping for and now i want it all fixed asap. isnt it funny how we would do anything for him to say these things then he says it and im ready for it all to be better?? crazy! i really want to go slow bc this is scary for me too- he as a lot of changes to make too...he seems to be ready but it will take some time...for both of us.
he also called his friend (who is my best friends H) and told him he is lost...basically he pushed this guy away for the past few years bc his friend is so committed to being an H that is scared my H- now he reached out to him for help bc he is really struggling...so this just keeps getting deeper and deeper...
marathon- not a sprint!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
