Where is the real me? What do I want?

[Purple]

I also realised when I got home last night that he had been in the house because teh mail was on the kitchen bench. I'm a little peeved about him coming to the house

I second Racefan's opinion. I wouldn't enter H's apt without letting him know in advance and I would expect the same courtesy from him. I perfectly understand you feeling peeved.

Well, it doesn't matter what I say. I have brought this up multiple times both in counselling and out. He says he has every right to come and go as he pleases. Counsellors have said that if he has that attitude then there's not much I can do about it (well, there is, but it would involve a VRO and that would really inflame things so I'm not going to do that unless I really need to!) other than move out and get another place of my own. I seriously considered it about 6 months ago but again, that would just inflame things. I just wish he understood how it can feel.

I'm trying to think of what I should get him for a birthday present. I don't want anything too intimate but I don't want something too impersonal either. *sigh*

I had the same problem with H's birthday . It was in the middle of our first (madly intense!) attempt at piecing it together and
I didn't know what to get him. I ended up giving him a tiny bouquet of lilies-of-the-valley and telling him truthfully that I simply didn't know what else to do. We used to give each other rather expensive and fancy gifts, so it was a 180 for me.
And he loved it!

(((((Purple)))))

At the moment I am thinking of a music CD (he loves electronica/trance stuff) of new stuff and maybe a massage voucher (he is training for Iron Man in December).