Today was busy. Since my two older sons were going to be gone for the weekend, I invited my 12 year old niece to come down today (she lives in the next state), so both she and my daughter would have someone to hang out with. It was a frenzied drive with my brother-in-law calling as we were trying to meet each other on the highway. I drove 1.5 hours of the 2 hour drive but it was worth it.
The girls and I stopped to see my mother-in-law, their grandmother for a visit. She's almost 91, still very vital and appreciated my stopping by. The most constant thought she has of me is when we first met 26 years ago. She jokes how she can't remember what happened yesterday.. but I haven't found that to be true yet.
She kept looking at me in a strange way, asking me if I had lost weight. Alas.. I have gained weight and told her so. She kept commenting on how beautiful my face looked, how I looked very good. I took the compliment gladly.
We left when the girls were hungry and stopped at a restaurant, running into a friend of my mom and mother-in-laws who recently moved up to this new area. I bought her lunch (she's 88) telling her I never get to spoil her. She was always the type of person who when my parents had their parties and us kids were the 'help' would always talk to us like we were real people, not teenagers to be ignored and/or patronized... a very genuine woman.
She brought up knowing about the divorce, something I didn't mention and encouraged me to make sure the kids had a positive relationship with their dad. Oddly enough she kept talking about how committed I was to my father and what a positive influence he'd been in my life. I kept quiet and nodded.
We stopped to shop and at Starbucks... a total girl thing. Instead of rushing from point A to point B we meandered back to home, stopping here and there on our way back.
Once we got home we had time to run a few errands. Once home I just wanted to rest.. but did some work online, reading a note from their dad who informed me he would be out of the country til the 16th on business. This is the first time since before he left he's notified me of his travel dates. His email was a bare bones reminder. I replied "thx".
I try not to dwell on projecting.. that his leaving so early means they're traveling together; hearing how happy he is 'living his own life'; the puppy they have really gets me which they've probably only had 2 weeks.. the whole making a commitment thing.
I don't know why I want him to want me or to come back. I keep thinking it's not him I know. Just let it all go and move forward.
The girls and I will hang out and go up to the BBQ on Saturday. No one knew spouse would be out of the country. Apparently when my daughter told him about the get together.. he just said, Oh.. and was thoughtful for a second. It sounds like the kids had fun telling the girlfriend stories about their dad, usually embarrassing ones.
Anyway.. I figure the girls would have had a nice time together and if I don't feel like staying that long or spending the night, I can just leave early.
My mother-in-law did say how important I was to the family, that I always would be part of the family. I'll focus on protecting myself.. avoiding the near occasion of hearing about spouse and not talking about him. Once their drinking takes off, I'll make my excuses and drive home. If I time it right as I drive along the coast, you can see firework displays almost all the way home.
Ninety minutes of fireworks and do wonders for the soul.
One odd thing... people have been commenting on my green eyes. When I was a kid I was told they were brown, then the best I could do was swamp colored eyes.. you know the muddy leaf look. I noticed spouse's eyes when from a hard blue to a soft cornflower blue.. which was always a sign that he was calm. Perhaps my eyes turning greener is a sign of calm for me too.
It's neat to get compliments after being such a drudge for so long.
