Matilda, My W caught my bronchitis (presumably), so has been off sick from work for two days. We haven't danced since last week. She's been a grumpy patient. I hope this motivates her to take better care of herself. She hated having to miss dancing during this time.
I think not dancing is the consequence that will ultimately prompt her to quit smoking.
She and I looked at hotels on the internet and got a sense of the location for the hotels. We'll probably have the trip booked within the next week. We're shooting for ten days in September.
My studio is beginning a class on West Coast Swing, so my W has persuaded me to join her for the class. This will be a nice complement to our Latin class. Our cooking job will cover the expense.
I think it's money well-spent. It will allow us to dance at any venue, by diversifying our dance skills.
I've been sleeping in the guest room since I still have some coughing and chest congestion, and my W is not recovered yet.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, Lan, Jak, and Piecing Friends, I decided to return to the bedroom last night. I was starting to get too comfortable in the guest room, and feared it sent the wrong message.
We booked our Hawaii trip a few days ago. We both feel that we crafted a trip that will fit us well. We're going to do five nights near Honolulu to experience the beach and night life, and three nights in Maui to experience the natural side of Hawaii.
I notice that I have to ease into a frame of mind to write poetry in the morning. I'll start by either reading a poem, or reading about the process of poetry writing, or reviewing lines from poems that I like. My mind then relaxes, and I'm able to write.
I have a feeling that sex is the same way. My mind is often too distracted to have a sexual experience. I become too outcome focused, or distracted by something I'm ruminating about.
It also seems easier to be attracted to woman I dance with. There's a connection and physical attraction without knowledge of their annoying habits, or past relationship traumas, or relational conflicts. I can understand how people are seduced into affairs. One can be lulled into their fantasies of perfection.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Wonderful steps that are happening with you and W right now. So happy to hear that you and W will be taking the Hawaii vacation in September. You are truly moving in the right direction keep up the wonderful; work and you will flourish im'e sure.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Jak, and Matilda, Thanks. It's hard for me to see the big picture. I'm glad that you think things are moving in a positive direction.
My W and I are both excited about the upcoming trip. I think it's going to be our best vacation ever, will create happy memories, provide needed rest, and be a catalyst for more positives.
I'm doing about 80% of the cooking these days. It may seem unfair, but it's less stressful for me, than having her in the kitchen being crabby. She acts as quality control, and packs the items for presentation. I don't mind the job. She says that if it weren't for me, she would have quit the job a long time ago.
The job is great money. It pays for our dance lessons, and other leisure activities.
She keeps talking about having a party, but wants to impose rules on me as far as what I can talk about. Last night, she said that I couldn't tell people we've been living there for 15 years. I get reactive when she makes comments like that.
Having a party with her it seems would create more distance and conflict, rather than create connection. It's one thing to give her space at a dance venue, so that she will be asked to dance, but another to downplay our R in our home. I'm not comfortable with her plan.
It seems to me that being M involves to some extent a public commitment. Maybe I'm not understanding where she's coming from.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
It seems to me that being M involves to some extent a public commitment. Maybe I'm not understanding where she's coming from.
no me neither! but confess to not having read your situation from the beginning. Is she ashamed of you ,does she think you cramp her style or is she an unwilling participant in your marriage? but then you have a wonderful trip coming up so truthfully that is a strange request.
Naej, The other option is that her strong need for privacy may have little or nothing to do with me. I'll need to work on being less reactive, and try to understand where she's coming from.
I do know that if we're going to have a party at our home, then I expect to present as a couple, and not downplay it, or have to hide our M/R from others. I don't think this is a reasonable request.
On the other hand, I think it's a good sign that she wants to have a party. At some point, it may be a good idea. I'd like to be more comfortable in public as a couple first. We've made progress as partners in dance class.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL has your wife always been like this or is it since you started peicing? I agree the party is a good sign but not if it makes you feel you need to be someone else in your own home I would find that disrespectful. I cannot see how it could not have something to do with you after all she is your wife and you her husband. An obsession with her privacy would surely mean she wouldn't even invite people to a party. I hope things work out better after the trip.
