I try to put my trust in God but the way things have gone I am not sure. I am not sure if God is controlling what happens. Maybe he is just sitting back and watching. Waiting to judge us at the time of our death. I pray very day and I have felt like He was going to make everything work in the end. But sometimes I feel like I'm being foolish to think things will wrk out on their own. Should I do something to try and make it work or just put my problems in Gods Hands?? I try to be faithful but it's very hard...
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Hi Patrick...just trust God even though you dont understand what is happening...that will get you through...this thig is hard...and you are more of a man, a man amoung men if you will. if you can not think about entertaining getting in another relationship to eas your pain.....instead use this time to delvelop your relationship with God....read the Bible daily, Psalms and Proverbs I find so comforting during this time....Family is the foundation andknowing that you did everything to stay obident will help you know matter how this turns out in the end....remember this is not about all the crud she is doing....cause yes theres alot...this is about who you are through all this....i feel for you, I really do....I had no idea one could experience this much pain....betrayal is really hard....but God does want to heal our broken hearts and he also wants for us to make him first in our life...we live in a society where anything goes.....and you are a role model to your daughters....hope one day they can find a man like you.....they will have so much respect for you no matter how this turns out...try not to engage with your wife...and when you do just move on and surrender her and all she is doing or not doing to God..take care
Hi Patrick..another thing....work on your relationships with your daughters..I am sure they are good, you sound like a good man.....I can tell you my Dad is my hero.....and a fahter daughter relationship is so meaniful to the daughter and I am sure to the father too, its just i was the daughter....i know you have 3, but I can tell you I was one of three sisters too and I cherished my ALONE time with my Dad...time he would sepnd just with me where I had him all to myslef and he would listen to me, take me driving, teaching me, or just haniging out after my school events, going to breakfast just us, having him leave me surprises in my car as a teen, or giving me gifts and putting my dogs name on them..he just tought of all these special little things to do with me..and looking back I cherish it..he was also better to my Mom than she was to him..while i think they had a good marriage...I do know it was my Dad who was so kind, and gentle and he was a man who cared for his family.....I bet you already are...but be that man for your daughters...your wife will stand back and while she is paying her attention outside the family you will be building and spending time with your daughters...and that is solid and lasting what she is doing is temporary and vile...it wont last
Grace, I do try to do that with my D as much as possible. Last week my d14 would not come home with me. She doesn't get along with her sisters sometimes and refused to leave my w/om's house. I felt so out of control I almost lost it. I was threating to enter the house and physically pick her up and put her in the car. But my W was telling not to come in. OM just had his back turned and never said a thing. I wanted so bad to go in there and see what he would do. In a way I felt like my W was baiting me to come in. OM has guns in the house and after feeling baited I just left. But on a better note the girls have been opening up with me on their feelings about OM and my W and how they feel she is trying to keep him happy at their expense. They were all with me for Fathers day for the entire day. They talked alot about how OM thinks his kids are perfect and how the boys drive them crazy--I just listened. Sounds like that the OM is not always the happy go lucky guy they all thought he was!
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
My W called me to touch base before going on this trip...it just kills me to talk to her knowing she is going away for two weeks with him...it hurts so bad. But she actually talking nice to me. I'm waiting formy house to get foreclosed on soon. We haven't paid the mortgage in two months.....I am waiting for something to give..evrything has been getting worse and worse...it can't last much longer.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Patrick Just checking on you and hope you are doing ok! Hope you are spending time with your girls and focusing on you! The rest needs time to run its course.....take care
I am OK. My W is away for 2 weeks with OM on a road trip. I have my kids which is great. We are having a lot of fun but I feel so anxious knowing my W is with this guy having fun. It doesn't seem to get any easier. I just get angrier with my W that she has done this to me. I don't know if I can ever forgive her so I am wondering if it's worth waiting for her. Not seeing or talking to her for a week has given me time to reflect and has raised doubts that I (we) can overcome this. I am wondering if I am really just weak not getting over her and moving on. I am trying to be strong but it's not working.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
I am glad that you have time away from the drama. There is nothing weak about wanting to be married. Put it this way, what you have gone through...what would be easier? Moving on, or continuing to try and be married? I know the answer for me.
One looks 'tougher' walking away. One looks 'weaker' sticking it out. The reality, is sticking it out is harder, so let me ask you, which one requires greater strength? The easy path or the hard path?
You're not weak Patrick.
I won't lie this is far from over. Coming from someone who has walked a similar path, vacation trip with OM and all.
Right now, no you don't know if you can forgive her. But right now you don't have too. Its not an answer you have to have right now.
BTW you don't know anything beyond what your 5 sense tell you, so stop making monsters in your head of what they are doing, if you are going to do that, might as well dress them up in clown suits and hope it rains all the time. Got it?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
sometimes I wish I had a story like many of the mlc's out there. One where my W calls me and say's she is confused or isn't sure what she wants, etc. I had one time like that at the beginning when OM was going to go back to his GF. But since then she knows what she wants and never waivers...she hounds me about getting my lawyer to speed up the D and tells me the OM makes her happy like I couldn't, etc. I haven't seen the other side of my W for over 6 months.....
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
My wife came back from Wis as planned ...I brought the kids over this morn to stay with her for the day. She called me and we talked today(on the phone)..mostly about the kids and the house....It was nice to talk to her, she was in a good mood but tired. I am getting the kids for the holiday baut was thinking about inviting her to go see the fireworks since the OM is still up north...I'm not sure if I should or if I should just mention it through the kid that she could come with us...she might have plans anyhow.....
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
