First of all, thank you so much to the WAWs in this forum who have been courageous enough to tell their stories and give the LBHs insight into the mysteries of a WAWs mindset and thought processes (believe me, we are utterly baffled, confused, hurt, and are hungry for answers to sooooo many questions).
My WAW (now xW) spoke of hope/hopelessness quite a bit as well as "seeing if I can give myself back to you" and "getting IT back". The WAW often says "ILYBINILWY" and she did so to me and in front of our MC in an attempt to explain herself. He asked her confusedly "what do you mean?" and she sheepishly replied "the passion, you know, the devotion, the longing..." I know NOW what this all means after doing much reading on relationships. What the WAW has lost (and is distressed over losing) is her ATTRACTION (in a global, not merely physical sense) towards him. That is what "falling in/out of love" really is--simply the good FEELING of becoming more attracted to someone or conversely the emptiness of seeing those warm feelings fade away. Attraction is a feeling and is separate from LOVE which is characterized by actions done selflessly for another. It strikes me that most/all WAWs have lost most/all of their ATTRACTION feelings and despair over how to get them back (or, if it is even possible at all).
Most of the time, they futilely wait and just hope they will magically return and, if they do not, take it as a final sign that D is the only logical option. Problem is, ACTIONS precede FEELINGS and the surest and ONLY way to rekindle feelings is by spending time together treating each other lovingly and with forgiveness ("love keeps no score of wrongs"...remember?). My WAW was told this many, many times by me and others (MC, in seminars, in books, etc.) and completely refused to believe it thus remaining completely closed off. [think of when you first met and fell in love--you didn't develop feelings out of the blue, they were generated and nutured via time together, sharing, and loving actions] I believe most WAWs are stuck on the horns of this dilemma--they want to FEEL something before DOING something, but the only way to FEEL better is by DOING better TOGETHER. Michelle, Gary Chapman, and many others talk about this...it requires an act of WILL to get and keep the ball rolling and both parties have to make changes in themselves for it to be effective.
SC, you mentioned something that caught my eye: "I suppose I had a sliver of hope all that time". What does that mean (a sliver of hope)? What were/are you hoping for?
