Nothing to prove. I already proved it. I was already told.
"Who is the more foolish? The fool or the fool that follows him." -Obi Wan
AmyC in one of her first posts said stop letting her insantity spin me out of control. In a sense a foolish one following a fool.
I knew the Obi Wan quote the entire time. I was thinking it as soon as she said it. I just think I wasn't done fighting it. Maybe I am now. Maybe I needed to punch my self out.
You know I said my head was clear. Well now it stopped racing. Hopefully I can stay in this mindframe. I think it happened with the school issue.
I was always pounding my teams to do better, work harder, and I would try to lead them to greatness even if what they were doing sucked. Now I just got into it with a guy on my team and pretty much without me even trying made him look like an idiot.
You see now I don't really care if I get an A or not. I will do my part. I will lead who wants to be lead. Basically the dude didn't want to lead but was calling me out for being a poor leader. Then I said, I'm not the leader, and if your are not the leader then perhaps you should appoint yourself to be the leader. I wanted him to change things in the paper in his section that he missed. He didn't want to do it and came up with excuse upon excuse. Then he came back and said, Whatever I don't want to lead.
I said I only wish you would have participated this much in the beginning and during the entire course for the benefit of the team paper. The only thing you are prepared to do is make excuses, and I'm calling you out on it. If you are not going to be a leader in the classroom, how will you be a leader in a corporate environment? Why should people want to listen to your opinions?
Rather than reflect on all this negative energy. How would you make the paper better?
He fixed his part of the paper... Good thing too because in my old habits I would have rewritten the section myself.
I am able to detach from the concept of killing myself for a good grade, and I'm not going to drag everyone over the finish line if I have too. It just isn't feasible.
Now with the wife issue. I have to let God do his work and in his time.
i understand why you do what you do,because i did the same thing in the beginning. your scared, just like i was. everything seems to be slipping through your fingers.you cannot control the situation. as soon as you understand that you can only control yourself, then you can make progress. you have gotten volumes of advice, you know what you need to do. know is the time to start doing it. you said earlier that you were fighting for your marriage.by backing off and letting your wife deal with herself, that is fighting for your marriage. getting on your knees and praying is fighting for your marriage. that is db'ing. doing the oppisite of what you think is normal.it is hard. but it is worth it. your family is worth it. i see too many people giving up because it gets hard. i want no regrets, my wife knows how much i love her. she knows because i am still here. no words are exchanged. it is unspoken. it is by actions, and sometimes by doing nothing but waiting and praying. we all know you want your marriage to work. let go. pray.let her see and not hear the real phil.she will notice.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Hey Phil, I thought of you today... I had to buy a new sander,I burned out the old one... it was quite an experience. I decided all on my own to redo a room. I stripped the wood, sanded the floors, and tomorrow I will stain and polyeurethine. Why am I telling you this??? Because I used to be like your wife. I expected things to get done by my Husband after he had worked long hours and I would harangue him and bitch and whine. Now I do stuff by myself and when I get stuck he is happy to help me out. If there was hope for me, then there is hope for your wife!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I guess the confusing part is this: When she says she felt like I never loved her. I have to tell her why it isn't so.
That's just it, it's bullshit Phil. I know you have cards from her telling you what a great dad you are, what a great husband you are, etc.....
She doesn't see that today because it doesn't suit what she is doing now. She knows you loved her the whole time, quit taking the bait.
It's cat and mouse bullshitt. It is getting to you because you are somewhat of a perfectioist and do not like her saying something you don't feel is the truth. Don't justify it to her, just teh mere fact that you are fighting to save your family shows her just how much you love her. Let your actions be your words, they speak volumes.
i want no regrets, my wife knows how much i love her. she knows because i am still here. no words are exchanged. it is unspoken. it is by actions, and sometimes by doing nothing but waiting and praying.
This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful. Yes, no regrets.
Phil,
You have a wonderful weekend sweets!
Try not to let everything you read on here confuse you or send you into analysis paralysis.
Stay calm, don't pursue, giver her some space and enjoy your children. K?
Your going to be ok Mr. Macho Man! I know you will.
Your words are slowly taking shape and changing from being so petulant sounding to more of understanding what must be done.
You tough guys!
Don't blow anything up this weekend!!!
Hugs!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Burnt out the old sander. Doing a floor? I hope you are not using a 4 inch belt sander, a palm sander, or a orbital. You'll be there forever. If you are at least take scrapers and scrape as much as the old poly or varnish off first. If you are using a belt sander make sure you keep the thing moving towards the grain, or you will dig into the floor. Don't rock, just go back and forth.
You would be better off going to the home center and renting a floor sander. They even have dustless systems. However those machines are heavy and if your a girly girl then I wouldn't recommended using one.
Hey you do want you want. If you have any questions I'll try and help. Do the best you can? I'm sure it will turn out great.
Just like my wife. No maybe you are my wife. She did two floors by hand using a palm, and orbital sander. On her hands and knee's. Took her forever! Because she couldn't wait. When she was half way into it. She said could you help me I'm not as strong as you and can't scrape like you can.
I said no way woman, you got yourself into the mess, you can get yourself out of the mess. See I asked you to wait. Because I told you my buddy would come over in the spring and we could sand both rooms in 4 hours. I have my own projects to do, thank you.
BND, no there is no hope for her. Even now she is playing cat and mouse with me. Texting: Tell me when you are on your way home. So I can go shopping. I waited a half hour. I have class, do you need a break from them. 15 minutes later. Yes. Then I will not go to class drop them off. she text NO. I text: Then what? She text: I'll drop them off after class.
K I'm taking a nap then. If you want a break drop them off now.
Ru going to class. I text: I would rather give you a break and see them now. Do you want me to pick them up.
NO. (End Texting)
It's all madness! The kids are driving her nuts. I'm sure, because they walk all over her and push her buttons. She screams at them and they laugh at her.
Now does she really want a break or does she have other motives. That's where I let my imagination get me into trouble.
Ian, your right it's all bullshit, down to the last drop.
Jeanette, It was a good fight and maybe I'm ready to give up. Let her punch herself out. Either she is going to crash in her own convictions or she is going to continue a life of madness. I need to stop making it worse.
Texting: Tell me when you are on your way home. So I can go shopping. I waited a half hour. I have class, do you need a break from them. 15 minutes later. Yes. Then I will not go to class drop them off. she text NO. I text: Then what? She text: I'll drop them off after class.
K I'm taking a nap then. If you want a break drop them off now.
Ru going to class. I text: I would rather give you a break and see them now. Do you want me to pick them up.
NO. (End Texting)
Should have been:
W:Tell me when you are on your way home. So I can go shopping.
Phil: I am on my way home now, I have class in ---- minutes.
THE END
It is not your job to drag info out of her. If she needs your help, let her ask. KISS....
No offers of grand gestures, everything matter of fact like.
She responds I need a break, you respond here is when I can give you one.... that's it. Simple answers to simple questions.
Again Phil, you don't have to prove anything to her. You just have to be the man you are and take care of yourself. The rest will fall in line.
Quote:
Ian, your right it's all bullshit, down to the last drop.
Anger speak.... got it. All I said was that the you didnt love me enough is BS, because it is.
Quote:
I'm ready to give up. I need to stop making it worse.
#1- no your not ready to give up, your ready to try different approaches. When you are really ready to give up, you will know and now is not that time.
Well it has really turned into cat and mouse. I went to karate class to them I am taking a month off. When I was sitting there talking to them. I swear our vehicle passed. Then I left to go to ATM and planned on going past her house. No vehicle.
So did she come here to drop off the kids. Was it our vehicle that passed the karate place.
Hmmmm. So I just called her. I said I thought you were going to drop them off. She said where are you. I said home. She said ok I'll drop them off now then.
Very sneaky, very weird...
So there it goes again. Nothing and nothing I said to her made it through to her last night. Don't shut me out of your life. Then I call about the kids and she completely doesn't want to talk to me.
It's almost 11 d wants to go home, and she doesn't want to pick her up because she is at a friends.
More tit for tat. Because I have to throw it in her face that she would rather be with her friend then be with her own daughter. She used to say that crap to me all the time. Difference is. When I was with the kid that helped with everything we were working! Working on building her empire.
