The road goes ever on...

[LolaL]

(((Jon))) I think there is always some pullback when we try to resolve situations in our head. Let's face it, even those of us who are wanting to reconcile our M's do some of that too. It is a self defense mechanism. She is still reaching out to you, and that is a positive thing. Keep it light.

As for the religious aspect, I think sometimes people who are dealing with these complicated issues have forgotten how to have faith and trust. I think that part of it needs to be quiet for now, we are all born with free will and ultimately there is only one who can oversee. This, of course, does not mean you cannot pray, but she may have a different way. It is not all black and white. And, in every religion, there is a certain amount of guilt, and that tends to turn people away.

At any rate, you are still doing great!!!

Lola

[ms ladybug]

What exactly does she mean that she doesn't want to hear about our m again? How did the r talks go? Did they end so poorly?

It's a good thing that when she was scared, she reached out for you to help her. She could have easily asked her dad. Doesn't she live with him? In actuality, she SHOULD have called Poison Control to find out what to do. I've called them a couple times when my kids have gotten into things, and they are knowledgable, and not at all "you should go to the hospital right away so we can cover our a**."
Honestly, I think if she was TRULY scared, she would have done something like that. Sorry, but if I suddenly went blind and disoriented, I'd be calling 911, not my h. Don't know, seems like an excuse to me, but I'm manipulative so I see things differently.

[jon2911]

MIL is a nurse, so W called her also about the meds. She wouldn't want FIL to know about this, he's one of the sources of the "worry" comment. My C says that W's life has been about cultivating an image, and that's all breaking down now. I don't blame her for being embarrassed about her headaches.

What exactly does she mean that she doesn't want to hear about our m again? How did the r talks go? Did they end so poorly?

No, they went well. I was washing dishes after dinner, and she looked up at me and said "things would have been so great if we'd worked on our issues before getting married." I went and hugged her and said "I know". She asked how counseling is going, and I mentioned the CR recovery group is helping a lot as well.

That's what W doesn't want to hear about again. Specifically "your sexual issue" as she put it. I don't bring it up much on here, because most people don't think porn is wrong (don't want to start a debate about that). Really, control was the deeper issue for me. The 12 steps have been very helpful so far. And W can see that I'm changing, but won't buy it yet.

W is starting to realize she needs help. But I can't force her into counseling, CR, Retro, anything. I have to work on myself, until she wants to join me.

So I work on control, anger, porn and all of that at CR, and come here for the valuable woman advice on how to treat my W

Thank you all so much!

[jon2911]

Texts just came in:

W: Any way you could call and see what the status of my claims is? We need these claims handled asap!
W: All of this out of pocket crap has taken its toll on my finances.
Me: Understood, will let you know.


I hate this insurance stuff, and really don't want to deal with this today. Her parents should be helping with it. But that's the same crappy attitude I had before.

[jon2911]

Well, called and got the claims rolling again. She was very happy about that, and we had a nice talk. I kept trying to get off, but she wanted to talk more, about what ODing felt like, a crazy dream she had today, etc.

FIL's company was sold today. He's Vice President, but doesn't own a stake (doh!). He might not still have a job, and is "stressed out beyond belief". Perfect.

It was such a nice talk, so good to go into the holiday weekend on a high note. The ups and downs shouldn't affect me so much, but I'm enjoying this one.

I really think I can show her the contrast between staying in Houston, and coming back home.

[LolaL]

(((Jon))) why do you think they call it a roller coaster? Its almost like I suspect a manic depressive feels, when we are up we are really up, and when we are down, its like nothing can pull us up again.

Keep this in mind, though, when it comes to her parents, you stepping up and dealing with the insurance stuff I think will help in the long run. She is going to see you as the one who will take care of things instead of her parents, and maybe realize that running home to Mommy and Daddy wasn't such a great thing after all.

Insight at 3:30 in the morning...I need to GAL !!

[jon2911]

Had a great 4th with my family, and W called Saturday with a question, texted Saturday night, and we had a long talk last night as I drove home. This was unexpected, I'd planned to just leave her alone all weekend.

Interestingly, she said "we're like that couple in 'Fool's Gold'".

I had read the review, about a divorced couple getting back together, and rented it when W was in town. Great DBing movie. I joked "so, you're saying I'm a Matthew McConaughey beach bum, but we still have great sex?"

She said, "yeah, pretty much. But you've got a job now, and you're learning to take care of the house." We were together a week ago, but it seems much longer than that. She agreed.

I have my master's Thesis due Wednesday, so won't be on here much. Really stressed, but two more days and it will be done, for better or worse.

[LolaL]

((((Jon)))) good luck on the thesis...and I am really glad you had such a great weekend!!!

Or should I call you Matt...

[MichelleLT]

Lol

((("matt")))

Good luck on your thesis!!!!!!!!

[jon2911]

Or should I call you Matt...

It cracks me up that his character in the movie reflects his real life as a beach bum.