Root- You said: The other day I happend to hear this.... you may not "love" or have feelings for your spouse but ACT like you do. Don't push it. Just try to be natural and act as if you do and think it. Often it's the actions and thinking a certain way that will bring about the feelings.
I find if I try to think more positive I become more positive.
Very helpful advice for me to use as soon as I can. The depression is really getting to me. I just want it to go away, but it keeps making me want to sleep or lay in bed as much as possible. I know, from the outside, it seems like it should be mind over matter, but it just isn't. I was going to see a counselor before retrouvaille, but my schedule is so tight I don't know how I would fit it in. I am continuing to read my books which is kinda helping I think.
You're right. He's a good guy. Thanks for that encouragement about the silver lining....I keep hoping.
Sandi- What your mom did is what I will begin doing as soon as I am able. I need a few more weeks to even get to a place where I can even do that. You definitely know what I am going through emotionally. I, too, have lost about 15 pounds. There is nothing in my closet that doesn't fit. I'm just never hungry....or maybe it is the one thing in my life I feel I control....one or the other. Yes...one battle at a time...you got it. Thanks, Sandi.
Thanks so much, Mark. I do see so many painful stories on here. I do think we have a good chance. Sometimes I wonder if I am the crazy one...maybe the spouses like me are the right ones...most DO leave....:( Can't think like that......
I understand how you feel about wanting to beat the depression out of your own "will" but I know from experience that sometimes, we just can't do it. The right kind of antidepression meds are not "happy pills" as such. If they were, I would probably over dose...(lol) Just kidding. Seriously, they do not make you feel "high" or "happy"....at least not any I've taken. They are suppose to just help you feel normal and able to get out of bed and function. That is what you need now. I'm not doubting your strength as a woman, but I am concerned that this is too much for anyone to overcome without some help. As one doctor told me the first time I gave in to seek help for depression.......(I was embarrased b/c I had heard that "Christians" should always be happy, etc) but he told me that everyone needs help once in a while and that it is not a sign of weakness nor should I be embarrased about it. Then he explain how the chemicals work in the brain, and if that chemical is too low, then it causes depression. The meds help raise the brain chemical up to where you feel normal again. I never felt like I was on a "pep pill" or anything like that. I used to hear people talk about Prozac being a "happy pill"....well, it did nothing for me! I would advise you to stay away from Zoloft or some others that kills the sex drive. You don't need that right now. If you talk to your doctor and explain that you can't get out of bed, etc., I believe he will recommend something. Sometimes it can be a short term thing. If he does, be sure and tell him that you don't want anything that will kill the sex drive. All of them have a certain amount of effect (I think) on the sex drive. I am now on Wellbrutin and I think it is suppose to have the least effect on the sex drive.
Got to go to work. Take care. Hope you have a better day. Please consider what I said.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I'll keep the meds in mind. I don't like the idea of being on any kind of drugs. I even hate taking aspirin.
Today, my H took my son camping for a couple nights. He does the father/son trip every year. I sit here alone and it feels ok. I did text him a "miss you guys" message. I love it when H does stuff on his own. Tomorrow I plan on shopping and enjoying my time alone....maybe get some house stuff done that I can't get done when S is here. There will be a pull toward contacting OM. I convince myself that H has an investigator and intel like puppy talks of to make myself not "go there".
So many of the spouses left behind say how they know that the WW will eventually realize that they have screwed up. I know I have screwed up, I regret going outside of the marriage while still being married, my life without my H would be less than I want....and yet.......I still can't embrace it all wholeheartedly. The mind is an amazing thing.
WDID...I haven't posted to you but I read your stuff and appreciate you giving another side of the situation:
Try this analogy: I had a situational toothache once. A doctor would have prescribed antibiotics to fight the infection and then my body would have been able to take over and finish the healing. But I don't like taking pills for "situational" problems. I don't even care for aspirin, although that would have alieviated my suffering in a minimalistic way. So no antibiotics for me. And no going to the dentist or any other specialist with a degree and years of education and experience. I just sit home and experience my pain. Others with similar experiences and infections give me advice about how they took antibiotics and were then able to heal up, but, naw...no pills for me. It's a "situational" toothache...very real but "situational" as in I put myself in an unsafe position and got hit full face and broke some of my teeth...that's the "situation". Now I really want to save my teeth but...not yet. Not until I get over the embarrassment or horror of my mistake at getting into the unsafe situation in the first place. Meanwhile I still have my toothache. Untreated. And I start to wonder if it's even possible to fix my teeth because they are so badly effected by the "situation". I am unable to think because of the pain and totally unable to cope with the changes I need to make in order to heal. Ah, what the heck, it's only situational...but then the untreated infection spreads to my sinus, then to my brain and oopsie... I die.
Not to seem TOO harsh, but as someone who has had "situational" depression myslef, you need meds and you need to do everything you possibly can to help yourself and YOUR HUSBAND if you REALLY want to succeed. "happy pills" is a rather offensive term but I'm sure you don't mean it that way. "coping pills" might be much more accurate.
and did you know that untreated "situational" depression leaves the brain at much lower seratonin levels and much more likely to slip into another "situational" episode at the next sign of stress. Only a deeper and darker, sinking to a new low as it were. You are training your body that the way to cope is to ignore its signs and pleas for help.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Hey sweetie, thinking about how tough it is on the body and not being able to sleep. The Melatonin is at any store that sells vitimins. It is natural and it has that seratonin that the brain needs too. However, it usually takes about 9 mg to work. If you don't take enough, you will go to sleep and wake up in a couple of hours and not be able to get back to sleep. I use the bottle that has 3 mg in them and take 3 every night. A lot of people find that ST John Warts helps with depression. It is also natural and can be found in the same department. The only thing, I never knew how much to take. If it is severe depression, I don't think it is strong enough, but for mild depression, it seems to work faily well for a lot of folks.
You could try it and see. But I know that if you get sleep deprived, then the depression is going to increase! Your brain loses seratonin levels and probably other chemical stuff. Remember what that doctor told me when I went the first time to get meds for depression. If it is a chemical thing happening in your brain.....then you can't do it by your self will. We can't control the chemicals in our body or the hormones by just waiting it out or overcoming it with our self will.
Sweetie (my pet name), I am worried about you. You know I care....at least I hope you do. You are fastly getting to the "non-functional" stage. See how you make out with doing the house work. See what you energy level is like. Evaluate your interest in what you are doing. Are you forcing yourself? Are you enjoying any of it? Lord knows, I have been there!
I appreciate anyone that has been able to go this long without taking very much medicine. I rememeber my grandparents always saying, "I don't want to get on any of that dope". That is what they called any kind of prescription medicine. But, when you get to a place that if nothing else works, you have to do whatever you have to do in order to get through and make it.
I will be thinking about you this weekend. Let's be strong together. I know it is hard to fight those thoughts off that come out of nowhere about the OM. Believe me, I understand what kind of feelings you are experiencing.
I am here for you. Please take care of yourself.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
