Originally Posted By: DanceQueen

Cinco...be careful not to look for an "answer" at "Taken".....

There is a lot of work to do between you first.


Listen to the woman, Cinco! There are indeed, no magic bullets in repairing a broken, sex-starved marriage. only months and months of hard work for BOTH of you.

Look at my case:

  • Last July (7/07), My wife and I were reunited after a six-month separation wherein I found within myself the desire and drive to fix my broken marriage.
  • In August (8/07), and beginning with John Gray's Mars/Venus book, I began a research campaign to figure out 'how' to fix my marriage, putting into practice what I liked, and discarding what didn't seem to work.
  • In November (11/07), I found Michele's SSM book, and my wife read it and had her own epiphany about men and physical intimacy. Breakthrough #1.
  • By December (12/07) I had joined this site and shared a little of my story...all the while my wife and I are making slow improvements in our relationship.
  • In February (2/08) we found an individual / couples / sex therapist to help us out and have been seeing him ever since.
  • In May (5/08) my wife finally had the confidence in our marriage recovery, and trust in me, to reveal what she really needed in order to be happy both in and out of the bedroom -- it was time for me to 'man up' and take charge. Breakthrough #2.
  • It's now the following July (7/08), and while a lot of progress has been made, we have a long ways to go yet....


As you can see, this is a long progression of steps, one building upon the next. It was not until 10 months into the process that my wife felt ready for us to make the move towards a TIH relationship, and even then, we are proceeding *very slowly* onto this previously untrodden ground.

So as DQ says, you've got a lot of work in front of you, some A's to ultimately deal with, and a lot of trust to rebuild before bringing up TIH to your wife, i.e. her trust in you (which is KEY).

Also, in the name of being 'fair and balanced' there is an alternative female-led relationship site called Around her Finger. One of the ways in which I confirmed to myself that I could take the pathway that my wife indicated she wanted (toward TIH) was to look over this sight. It made me cringe. There are other couples, however, for whom it works, and it just shows that the solution for every couple is different.

Take care,

-- B.

Last edited by Bagheera; 07/03/08 08:34 PM.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs
S25, D23, S13, S10
20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007