Marriage is 2, not 4. Your W's focus on the neighbors detracts from your M.
Moving will not cure it. Giving in won't cure it.
This goes back to one VERY EASY QUESTION:
Mules....what do YOU want?
Personally, and this is the last time I can say it, I think the relationship with the neighbors is TOXIC, both to you and your wife. I really don't see anything productive in this WHILE YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN EXTREMIS.
You also can't fix this NOR CAN YOU CHANGE HOW YOUR W WANTS TO RELATE TO THEM. All you can do is DO WHAT IS BEST AND HEALTHIEST FOR YOU. Part of detaching and your personal growth will be to make this decision on your own. Sure...you can listen to all of us. I know one thing. I couldn't POSSIBLY envision myself sitting down and having a beer with a guy who: -pushed my W into the swimming pool -talks to her about MY MARRIAGE -MAY have tooled around with her.
YECCH. But that's just me.
Finally, assuming you are a New Yorker, I would talk to your atty before filing for a legal separation. As I understand it, there is only one reason to do so: if there is hope for reconciliation. Filing for legal separation in the state of NY, as I understand it, could:
force you out of the house
require 100% temporary support
let it drag on for years at great financial hurt should your W decide that she does not want back in after 12 months
Even tho' I am in the middle of a D process (and my W now tells me that she doesn't want a D), I DON'T RECOMMEND DIVORCE. I just say KNOW YOUR OPTIONS first.
Get the N.U.T.S. book. Define what makes you a man. Define what are your 'non-negotialbe unalterable terms'. If one of your NUTS is " I don't want to spend time with THOSE neighbors because it is destructive to my M", then, act on it...for you...for your health...for your children. I think everyone posting to you would support you on whatever choice you make. I think most men here would agree that: -you do everything possible to keep a roof over your family -you do everything possible to protect and keep your children safe and happy -you do everything possible to save your marriage -when the last one fails, you go back to the first two.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
