Is this what healing feels like ???

[smartcookie]

continuation of story....

I remember December now.

I was in serious major withdrawal. I cried constantly. I'd pull over on the side of the road, & cry & sob, & my body was wracked with pain. I was getting over my addiction to OM. Because of my childhood & all the issues that it entailed, OM slid right into the role of kind caring rescuing benevolent father, wise counselor, boyfriend, friend, lover, knight in shining armor, spiritual advisor & life coach. I had waited my whole life for someone to rescue me & here he was. Offering to rescue me, fix my marriage & save my family. He also offered to teach me how to love again, & to help me learn how I should be loved.

It was an emotional & physical addiction. Even though he was 2000 miles away & I never touched him, my brain & body was addicted to the chemicals that my brain would release from talking to him. Just having him in my life was a rush of endorphins & feel good chemicals. He was my drug of choice. My C said it would have been easier for me to kick heroin. I wanted to drink, a lot. I wanted to take pills. I wanted to do anything to help me numb out. I was dying.

H saw some of it. He heard some of it. He'd walk in the bedroom & I'd be laying in bed, sobbing, in physical pain. He'd ask what's wrong....how could I tell him...I hurt this bad because another man is no longer in my life. I may as well stab him through the heart with a sword. He'd call me on the phone, I'd be okay for the first sentence, then he'd ask me how I was doing, & the tears would flow again.

He finally begged me to tell him what I was going through. He knew it had something to do with OM. H said he'd rather hear the worst, than be shut out completely. H said he wanted to be there to comfort me & hold me when I cried. Crazy huh.

Okay guys, put your hand up if you would be willing to hold your wife while she cries because she's in physical, emotional & chemical withddrawal from another man ? oh, & let me not forget to mention, you've recorded her while she "spoke" to him on the phone, & you've read chat conversations, & e-mails between her & him. You've heard her say "I love you" to him. She's shared things with him that she's never shared with you.

how we doing so far ?

[Neilh23]

Cookie...i'm in the same boat in a way. My parents always fought, and it was in front of me. so i don't like to fight, nor do i like ot get angry......My C wants me to "feel" my anger, rather than dispense it by cursing and hiding it....LOL...

this story is soooooooo... well, i can't call it good because of all the pain you'd experienced...but it's very informative....

[Neilh23]

and honestly, i don't know if i could hold my W as she cried about another man....depends on my state of mind...in other words which of my two minds was in control...rational vs emotional...the emotional one would feel all those negative feelings, and my rational one would feel terrible and want to comfort my friend....... Your husband is amazing!

[Distressed67]

I found a text from my wife that said ILY to this OM. That sent me over the edge for months. Here was a guy who came back into her life after 20 years and was being told what should only of been said to me.

Was I angry, was I hurt you bet. How could she do this to me. I was there thru the good and now the bad (so I thought). I was there helping with the kids, the house, making ends meet and he was reaping the rewards. It sucked.

Did I want to hold her, make her feel better are you kidding me. I wanted to hunt him down, I wanted to disown her. The only thing that kept me sane was hopeing it did not get P. I snooped, tryed to figure out her cell phone lock code. Drove by his house you name it I did it.

So no I will not raise my hand.

Your H is a better man than me in this department. I give him credit for that.

Would I do it now, yes. I see my part in this mess and I feel right now I could but a couple of months ago now way.

[LosingSunshine]

Thinking not to hard of what I would do but what to post SC. I think I would hold her while she cried. Unconditional love is it? I guess the question I am struggling with is, would WAW want me to hold her....

[Kalni]

SC,
I had read part of your story. That first amazing post. I am reading the rest of it now. Thank you for doing this.
Are you proud of your H?
K

[gForce]

Okay guys, put your hand up if you would be willing to hold your wife while she cries because she's in physical, emotional & chemical withddrawal from another man ? oh, & let me not forget to mention, you've recorded her while she "spoke" to him on the phone, & you've read chat conversations, & e-mails between her & him. You've heard her say "I love you" to him. She's shared things with him that she's never shared with you.

Me. I did this. But not because she was in withdrawal. She cried because she couldn't, and never did, give him up.

[fb2]

SC, Keep going! Open the floodgates. You are amazing. And you are lucky to have that H of yours, he's an advanced DAM as FG would say!

[Gypsy]

"Me. I did this. But not because she was in withdrawal. She cried because she couldn't, and never did, give him up."


That's beautiful and selfless.

That's love, Peter.

And so is letting go.

*hugs*

[girlfromipanema]

cookie,

your story is mind blowing. i am so impressed with the effort put forth by you and your husband. i don't know that i'd call it 'unconditional love'... i think it's making the choice to love the one you promised to love through good and bad.

your story makes me want to show my husband that i'll be there for him... but my pride gets in my way and we don't have children and he is so stoic and it's just all so confusing.

thank you for sharing so much with us. it must trudge up lots of feelings.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
R.