Wife Filed And I Need Help With Busting ASAP

[Scott123]

SD,

I can see how some of my posts can come off as arrogant, but I'm
not trying to be and definitely not arrogant to my wife. I have
plenty of goals and done a total 180. Lot's of activities that
I fell out of interest, working out, getting back into music,
art, hiking motorcycling, biking etc. Have a PMA and she does
see it as she has mentioned it. I know a lot of my problems
and our relationship problems where because of the depression,
anger etc that I was going through as well as her gambling.

The depression, anger and my health is a solved problem. It's
a complete 180. the problem with W is that she is stuck on
the past and compares my current state to paste states. She
is scared of getting close to me because she is fearful
of past hurts coming around again.

I'm not trying to fix her, and not being arrogant to her. The
gambling is a huge "hidden" issue so keep that in mind. It's
tough tip toeing around the issue because she s not admitting
to it.

Today -

Sent wife a text and asked if I could use the van so I could
grab one of my bikes. She said it was ok and then asked
me for money. She told me she was really short on money this
month. I said that I could give her what we agreed on for
the child support but no more because I did not have it.
She said she did not know what she was going to do and talked
about selling some stuff and that she has to get a job.

(I really hope she faces up to the gambling now because of how
short on money she is. I mentioned nothing about gambling or
anything like that, just said that I was short too.)

Now here's basically the rest of the text conversation:

M - I had to lend my parents money for back taxes so I am
really short on money too.
W - I don;t know what I'm going to do this month. Can you help
(nephew) carry some of the antiques downstairs, I'm going to
try and sell them. I'll give you some money if we get a lot
for them.
M - Yes, I'll help him, but I don't want any money from them.
W - I have some jewelry to sell too.
M - Sorry about not saying much yesterday to you, but it was
hectic running around getting ready for our hike. You seemed
like you wanted to talk and I would have if we weren't running
around last minute.
W - I know. I just wanted to tell you (about OM) myself so you
did not find out about it from someone else.
W - We're better apart
M - Well, I didnt think we were better apart, I know I'm better
because I'm healthy mentally, physically and spiritually. No more
anger or depression and I feel great.
W - Sorry, but I'm less stressed apart. your with the kids
more and we're better that way.
M - I really do want to share that with you and the kids and
everyone else for that matter. I just have so much energy both
physically and mentally now and it feels great.
W - I can't be happy with you. Sorry, this was the last time.
I want you to find someone and be happy. You have a fresh start.
No more stress.
M - I know a lot of the stress we both dealt with was from other
things in the past especially my past moods which I take
full responsibility for as well as financial. I'm just worried
about you and the kids.
(I was trying to see if she would mention the casino, but
she didn't bite)
W - We'll be fine, I'll get a job.
W - I can't, sorry. Too much has happened. Maybe we could be
friends one day but that will be it. I can't be with you
anymore. I want to be happy.
M - I want to be happy too. There's so much that we had planed
to do. I just don't like the idea of quiting our marriage without
really trying to be a happy normal family where I'm actually
healthy mentally.
W - I can't be happy with you. I'm sorry, but I always felt
alone.
M - I'm sorry for neglecting you and the kinds in the past and
I really hope you can forgive me for the hurt I have caused. I
hope you find your peace.
W - It's gonna take time for me to heal. I need to be happy and
find it somewhere else.
M - I don't know what to tell you, I'm not that angry depressed person
anymore. I mean if you need to find love with someone else I
can't do anything about that. I'll just have to let you go. The
thing that really bothers me though is that what you're looking
for is right here in front of you and always has been, it
just got buried under a bunch of walls, anger and depression.
W - I know you are doing good and I am happy, I just can't
do it anymore.
M - Just know that I'm here for you as a friend. Always will be.
W - Can't do it.

That was it.

Not sure what to do, if i should go dark now and focus on LRT or
should I just continue to try and feel things out and test
to see what works positively or negativity and adjust accordingly.

I have no idea if she is testing me or if she is seriously set
on divorce.

My main issue here is that I have conflicting feelings on the
whole going dark and LRT because if there is another M that
she is starting to get involved with, my gut says that going
dark/LRT will simply push her right into this other guys arms.
Basically I'd be digging my own grave.

Some of the stuff she has said the past two days is similar
to things she has said in the past especially with feeling
along, less stress apart, wanting to see OM, etc. It's
also the kind of stuff she was saying right before she
crashed and broke down a few months ago about gambling,
being apart and how much she really loves me.

And as far as her being screwed up. Yes she is REALLY screwed
up right now. Her moods are insane. She is really not normal
at all, she is smoking again, drinking, neglecting the kids,
the house etc. spending money foolishly, not taking care of
the kids, getting all fast food nearly every day, the house
was dirty etc. So these actions and her moods are not like
her at all. They are a 180 from her normal loving, heart of
gold normal self. I'm really worried about her and so is the
rest of her family. They see all the changes too and don't
know what to do either. They have even said that she is
headed straight for a hard crash.

- Scott