I was in serious major withdrawal. I cried constantly. I'd pull over on the side of the road, & cry & sob, & my body was wracked with pain. I was getting over my addiction to OM. Because of my childhood & all the issues that it entailed, OM slid right into the role of kind caring rescuing benevolent father, wise counselor, boyfriend, friend, lover, knight in shining armor, spiritual advisor & life coach. I had waited my whole life for someone to rescue me & here he was. Offering to rescue me, fix my marriage & save my family. He also offered to teach me how to love again, & to help me learn how I should be loved.
It was an emotional & physical addiction. Even though he was 2000 miles away & I never touched him, my brain & body was addicted to the chemicals that my brain would release from talking to him. Just having him in my life was a rush of endorphins & feel good chemicals. He was my drug of choice. My C said it would have been easier for me to kick heroin. I wanted to drink, a lot. I wanted to take pills. I wanted to do anything to help me numb out. I was dying.
H saw some of it. He heard some of it. He'd walk in the bedroom & I'd be laying in bed, sobbing, in physical pain. He'd ask what's wrong....how could I tell him...I hurt this bad because another man is no longer in my life. I may as well stab him through the heart with a sword. He'd call me on the phone, I'd be okay for the first sentence, then he'd ask me how I was doing, & the tears would flow again.
He finally begged me to tell him what I was going through. He knew it had something to do with OM. H said he'd rather hear the worst, than be shut out completely. H said he wanted to be there to comfort me & hold me when I cried. Crazy huh.
Okay guys, put your hand up if you would be willing to hold your wife while she cries because she's in physical, emotional & chemical withddrawal from another man ? oh, & let me not forget to mention, you've recorded her while she "spoke" to him on the phone, & you've read chat conversations, & e-mails between her & him. You've heard her say "I love you" to him. She's shared things with him that she's never shared with you.
how we doing so far ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
