There will be a process back towards you if she makes that decision. For now, she is set on her path. She may turn back, but it will be like a huge cruise ship making a u-turn, it will take time.
Pride will factor in. I think that is usually more of a problem with a WAH than a WAW most times however.
None of us predict the future. But you do have control over you, which can change the outcome for the better, as you have already seen in the baby steps.
Also, keep in mind, she may need to actually move out before she realizes exactly what she'll be missing. It may be part of the process she needs to go through.
Nothing is final until YOU give up hope.
Hang in there.
How much is the gym membership? If it's not much, it might be wise to let it lie if/until she decides to move out or something.
If you can think you can have a no-pressure conversation, go with, just FYI, you aren't covered under my work, so I put it on my visa. Then see what SHE wants to do?
Last edited by MichelleLT; 07/03/0805:09 PM.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
There will be a process back towards you if she makes that decision. For now, she is set on her path. She may turn back, but it will be like a huge cruise ship making a u-turn, it will take time.
Pride will factor in. I think that is usually more of a problem with a WAH than a WAW most times however.
None of us predict the future. But you do have control over you, which can change the outcome for the better, as you have already seen in the baby steps.
Also, keep in mind, she may need to actually move out before she realizes exactly what she'll be missing. It may be part of the process she needs to go through.
Nothing is final until YOU give up hope.
Hang in there.
How much is the gym membership? If it's not much, it might be wise to let it lie if/until she decides to move out or something.
If you can think you can have a no-pressure conversation, go with, just FYI, you aren't covered under my work, so I put it on my visa. Then see what SHE wants to do?
I never thought of it that way (as a cruise ship, which ironically she worked on for 4 years before we met)
I am not sure if she has "pride" but she wants to prove that she is "strong" is there a difference?
i agree nothing is final until i give up hope , but sometimes i wonder if that's the best thing to do or not, then i realize she does care alot about me... telling her cousin the hair mat smells ALOT like me, calling me husband to her friend..stuff like that.. then i realize yes it's worth the fight, at the very worst , our M ends and I did everything in my power to save it.. and I am still a better person in the long run..
the gym membership is 30 bucks bi-weekly.. i make really good money so i won't worry about it for now.. maybe something to tell her in the future "oh the membership was never convered by work, only mine"..something like that. She allready knows the membership goes on my visa.. but i thought it was covered, just found out it isn't.. i know she enjoys the gym ..when she goes (she has been working stupid hours lately)
Hmmm, pride vs strength...well I think pride is about being worried about looking bad. Wanting to prove she has strength is wanting to be something she feels she is not.
So....if you let her find her strength, are there for her, love the "new" her, and make it easy for her to come back (i.e. no guilt trips, no blabbing to everyone in the gossip mill about how horribly she has behaved at times, whatever) then it is possible she will come back.
Only time will tell though.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Hmmm, pride vs strength...well I think pride is about being worried about looking bad. Wanting to prove she has strength is wanting to be something she feels she is not.
So....if you let her find her strength, are there for her, love the "new" her, and make it easy for her to come back (i.e. no guilt trips, no blabbing to everyone in the gossip mill about how horribly she has behaved at times, whatever) then it is possible she will come back.
Only time will tell though.
Problem is, i see a new me.. not a new her.. maybe i am missing something.. but she is warm/cold/warm/cold..
i don't "blab" to anyone, if anything they know how badly I acted.. i am sure she has told all of our "her" friends how much of a pain I am.. although i snooped several weeks ago and she told a friend i am a good guy, just that i have too many vices..
well those vices are all gone, i have replaced them with positive ones , i know it's longterm progress/change that is the key.. and they don't see that..
am i babbling?
Time is everything, and i have alot of it, and I am not even close to giving up on US
i told my wife that work doesn't cover spouses(for the gym)... i offered to keep it on my card saying it's no big deal.. had a moment of weakness.. she told me she was getting her hair done saturday to go out with friends....i see her maybe trying to dance with other guys.. maybe i am wrong.. but she is going to be looking good.. kind of pisses me off.. but what can i do.. just keep going forward with what i am doing.. sure doesn't make it any easier..
