This One's Gonna Bruise (9)

[Hope4us]

Also the desire not to be "talked about" or "judged" -- the hope that their actions will not have ramifications or are indicators of their character to the people around them. Mind boggler.

Another perspective, repectfully put forth...

maybe they are hoping that the real friends will come to them and find out why they (WAS) are taking the actions they are taking.

Maybe the WAS are trying to take the high road by not trash talkig about the LBS to friends who don't want to be put in the middle of a couple's marital discord.

When all others can SEE is the WAS actions and HEAR is the LBS side, there is judgement passed by many without taking the time to SEE the LBS actions for years and HEAR the WAS side of it.

That may not be true in every case, but I bet it is in some.

Sorry to hi-jack the thread Lodo.

Sorry for the TJ Lodo and absolutely no disrespect intended Bridgestone....And I'm really trying to understand here.....And I don't want to start a huge debate...but to understand....

So an affair is acceptable? I accept that there are times when what you've described has happened, I really do, but I just have a problem with any justification for an affair. If the marriage was so bad, why not separate or divorce before going there?

And what about the instances where there was NEVER any complaints about the marriage prior to the affair? That's the part I struggle with. If there were complaints prior, then I could be more understanding. But if there are NO complaints prior, how do you figure out what complaints are real and which are a martial rewrite to justify the affair?

And what about trash talking the LBS to the enabler?

And I know you are talking in general and not specifically to me, but our good friend Deb, who had an affair of her own a number of years ago has tried to talk to W about it, knowing what she's going through, but W refuses. So wouldn't that lead you to believe her problems are a rewrite of the marriage?

Again, I'm not trying to be cynical, but someone in an affair with a married person taking the high road? Wouldn't the high road be discussing any martial problems with your spouse and if you can't work them out, then separate or divorce before starting an affair?

I'm really trying to understand how this stuff happens, really. But it just seems like a lot of responsibility shifting to me.

No offence intended....

Now back to Lodo's regularily scheduled thread.