Where is the real me? What do I want?

[Purple]

Well, it is h's birthday next Monday and I think last Friday when I talked to him I said that I would like to take him out for his birthday with d7 on Sunday 6th (cos he works Monday nights). At the time he said "I'll think about it" in his I'm upset with you and won't give you the satisfaction of a straight answer voice.

This morning he rang me to ask if we could swap IC appointments today (he is booked but wanted to swap with me for next week). I said no I can't because I have a course today. He said he'd work something out. I told him about my plans for d7 for school holidays (mostly vacation care but two days at two different friends houses). I told him I'd email him those dates (that d will be at friends houses) and he said okay. Then he asked if I still wanted to go out to dinner on Sunday night for his birthday. I said of course (but I'm worried and nervous!).
So later on I got hold of the restaurant I had suggested but they can't fit us in on Sunday unless we could come at 5.30 or 8.30pm. I rang h, it went to voice mail. I left him a message asking him if he was working Sunday and what time he finishes (it's usually 6pm so I didn't think either dinner seating time would work). He texted me back (which is a 180 for him, he would usually call - I think I prefer the texting, you can't leap onto another topic easily in texts like we seem to do on the phone) that he works till 6. I texted back that I can't get us in to the place I had suggested and asked him if he would like to go somewhere else. He texted back "u pick". NO pressure....none at all...sheesh.

I'm trying to think of what I should get him for a birthday present. I don't want anything too intimate but I don't want something too impersonal either. *sigh*

He hasn't replied to my email(s) yet either. I'll be surprised if he does.

We also have our second mediation appointment on Monday (his birthday - niiiiice - not) so it'll be so much fun going out to dinner the night before when I think that he doesn't really want to do the mediation. I just want some structure and I haven't been able to do that without a third party (counsellor type!) involved.