Hi, I'm new to the forum.

[The Wifey]

I am reading a book a friend recommended (It seems I read a lot these days) called "Too good to leave, to bad to stay." It's funny, as I read it I see all the reasons our marriage is too good to leave. But, I don't want the H to read it because he would find many reasons in there why its too bad to stay M to me.

It is sad, but it also shows me where I need to focus my 180's. I have to do this for both of us. I am convinced that part of this is a MLC on his part. Where he isn't sure I am 100% sure that I want him. (Notice I said want and not need. This is a huge step for me to differentiate.)

One of the questions to ask yourself in the book is "Are you willing to give to your spouse, with your present situation, with no expectations of any return?" I answered yes. I still want to give to him.

Even if he ultimately rejects any attempts I make to get close or to show him positive changes, he will have no doubts when he makes that decision that I loved him as best I could.

I have a lot of ground to cover yet. DB needs to become my life's work. I have to GAL and work on what makes me happy.

I'm glad to have him in the house. I didn't read him my email and I didn't make him sleep on the air mattress. I dug down deep and did tell him that I wish he'd been clear on how he felt before he ML to me. He asked if I regretted the night before.

I told him I didn't regret one minute of it. I wished the following morning had been different, but that any time I can show him and receive from him the love that we have I will do so.

I'm more than a little irritated that friends keep telling me not to be a doormat; don't let him have his cake and eat it, too. Please understand, I am a big girl. I know I can get burned. I know my life is tenuous at best.

He hasn't turned away from me completely. He reaches out to me as I reach out to him. When he reaches out I will be there.

My C and I talked and I explained that we are soul-mates. She replied that there is nothing to be afraid of then. I feel fearless today. I am focused and working on me.

I've always been afraid of roller coasters. That might have to be the next fear I break myself of, because I'm in the front car and at the brink. There's no brakes and the game is on.