I know I am doing everyting wrong. I even told her that. I just can't help it.
Even when I dropped off my son after all that. She said thanks for doing my laundry. I handed her her half basket full of clothes. I said no problem.
Then she said my house isn't a dump. I said dear I was just trying to prove a point that you have accepted things about this place that you would have never have lived with in our house. You would have badgered me forever until I did something about it or replaced. And something does really stink, it smells like you have 1000 air fresherners in there. I said this isn't your house. Your home is up there, (pointing to the hill) and that is where you belong. You need to come home, your home. Then I kissed her on the cheek and left. I said stop shutting me out of your life. I love you, always did. She said ok.
You see folks it just ticks me off. I did say something about her place. The front door is in poor shape. The wood is all wringled. The bathroom sink has a crack in it and a chip. I would have heard about this everyday I lived there if that were the case to replace it. So I told her that the place was a dump. The downstairs apartment isn't finished but she has access to it for laundry. There is a washer and dryer there, but she says it leaks. When I first went there my nephew was there and said that downstairs is a dump. I could just imagine going through there myself and nitpicking things that would have been to her standard and she would have let me known about it.
You see its about her getting used to it. The noise. The things that are not so perfect about a house. Etc... Why couldn't she get used to it in our home. No she had to make a mountain out of a molehill about everything. Then she decided that those things didn't make her happy.
I kept thinking of the stories she would tell me about how her mother handled situations. How she would terrorize them when they were little kids. Maybe these are the things she is running from. Maybe she is acting out on those actions. This is how she is handling life right now, and I will not let her brethe. It is because I can not breathe.
Yep, I know I'm screwing everything up. I know I'm making things worse. I think its just funny though how everything I said to her on the phone the only thing she can respond back was, my place isn't a dump.
Frustrated, confused. .... You betcha... Acting like an idiot. yep.... Breaking all the rules....
You know it is still open lines of communication for which I had none. I just think man, I know my wife. I know how she is. If I could just reach her.
Jeanette, I know she can't handle the one thing in her life and that is me. I have been giving her space. I have not tried to call her. I do not call her at all. I basically leave her alone. The difficulty is dealing with the kid situation day in and day out.
I think yesterday would have been fine if we just left well enough alone, but my son wanted to be with me. That is one thing she fired back on the phone too. Your son wants to be with you go be with your son. I said I am, and we are watching a movie together, I do spend a lot of time with son.
She has time for everything else in her life so it is not about a damn shower or taking a shower. If she wanted to take a shower then she should have taken one as soon as I left. I waited 15 minutes from the time I left until I called her. You see I could have waited an hour and she would have said the same thing. I still didn't take a shower.
Comes to another story. She punched me all the time. She would punch my friends in the arm and stuff. I said when you friends say something you don't like do you punch them.
Really I can't take it anymore...It's all bullshit, and it is bullshit on top of bullshit.
This morning on the way into work on the bridge. I heard this hideous screetch and than bang. There was three car pile up behind me. I got out anyway and the lady behind me only had some minor scratches on the bumper. The lady was a CCD teacher were I taught CCD at. I told her she was alright. She asked me some questions and I helped her out. Man if I would have been 5 seconds early getting out of the house. I would have been in that accident.
I'm spinning out of control, and I'm sorry. I just find it so difficult to implement db'ing techniques. I also think I am now trapped into this realm of a plethora of advice.
I think I'm on overload. We her. With work, and with school. I'm still fighting for her, and I'm fighting too damn hard.
