that is a great step- baby steps are big steps. i want my H to ask me that too- that means they are ready to hear a reposnse instead of just "hoping we are ok"... gppd job!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Neil, excuse the hijack but I would like to respond to twindad's goal setting. I have seen other men (and women) do the same thing. First, realize you cannot control your spouse......right? Now, look at all the goals you set:
Quote:
I would like my W to initiate a conversation where she asks how I am - I would like to have my W over for a movie with the kids - I would like to be invited to do something with the my W and kids - I would like my W to look at me and smile - I would like my W to feel comfortable enough that she calls me to talk about her daily problems
My question to you is how much of that do you have control in and how much is a "personal' goal for you? I understand what it is you are wanting, but you need to try to make goals that are broken down into smaller steps and things that you can do to improve yourself b/c you are the only one you have control over. You can work toward the "big picture" of these things you have mentioned, but I hope you will try to re-evaluate and reconstruct your goals.
It's okay b/c a lot of people have never tried nor do they know how to set these types of goals. Hope you take this in the way I mean it from my heart and not that I am interferring.
Best of luck, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Good to see ya, don't want to interrupt to much, if ya get time would appreciate your thoughts on my last few post. Kinda feel lost at the moment, asking for peoples suggestions.
Sandi...it's ok. Those were just some Twindad suggested. I think those should be goals for later in this process, just not necessarily now. Smaller, more achievable ones, ones where success doesn't rely on what my W does or does not do. I think Forrest's are on the right track for where my R is right now....
but thank you. I always appreciate your input!
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
No offense taken, I think your way of putting things for goals is much more direct than mine and puts the focus back on Neil. I have to admit, I think coming up with the goals is the most difficult part in this whole process......
Thanks for helping out
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I would like my wife to feel more comfortable around me. in order to accomplish this i would need to: be pleasant around her. work on my DB'ing around her Smile Compliment her. validate her when she talks to me hopefully when validating her, get her to open up more to me...
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
