Wandering Poster - XXV

[AliSuddenly]

Hi Jeff,

Wow, theres been loads of useful discussion here. I like that everyone suggests putting her first for a change, getting the boys to brainstorm what their Mum would like to do and then asking her. If, like you say, her response is, you go, I'd rather quilt...then can you really really go? How about you and the boys all left the house for the whole weekend and went camping in the mountains, where its cooler and leave her to it. Friday to Sunday, if thats REALLY what she wants.

Give her the space she wants! She may really appreciate it, or, might be a glimpse of how life would be if you do S (you and boys spending weekends together without her)? She does take herself off to her room, work long hours and then when she is home, she watches TV.. so doesnt sound to me like she is interacting much with her kids as well as you? Like someone said, she clearly needs space and is going through some sort of crisis/unhappiness and she cant see any way out.

Also, I noticed you said, you werent sure if she liked being a nurse, but you thought so...WHY DONT YOU ASK HER !? I dont see the harm in asking her about herself? Thats not R related, or pressure. You do still live under the same roof and raise your boys...you could ask her about her work, not just her day, but, ask her if she thinks she did the right thing by becoming a nurse, is it enjoyable, is it making her feel fulfilled....?

You may have hit on a great suggestion above..

Yes. There is no question that she liked the letters. We both did. They were sort of a lifeline for both of us, I think. I'm just not sure how to translate that into anything current.

...why dont you write her a letter??? Or even just start writing her little notes? They can be practical, but leave it for her when you are out of the house...something about thanking her for something, or how you enjoyed dinner with her and the boys last night...or just something, a little connection, but maybe talking to you is really hard for her, and maybe a letter or note could be a start???

Thankyou, as always, for your help last night. My thread died at a very inopportune moment, but I loved what you wrote. It really made sense to me and I slept soundly for the first time in a week. Seriously.
Ali xxx