Oh, and I have rediscovered humor. Right after the bomb it was like how people felt post 9/11 - I wasn't allowed to be happy or laugh. It is sometimes simply a defense mechanism, and I probably offend or annoy people every now and then, but I don't think you can detach/move on/GAL without finding laughter again.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I did find that, at least on occasion. It was such a surprise. I hadn't probably truely laughed since my grandma died. Sure I laughed the obligatory laugh at jokes or when kids did something cute, just not the real laugh of joy for nearly 10 years.
I know, pathetic.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
After the bomb, I remember going through life in a daze. One day something happened, and I smiled. It was the first one I'd had since before the bomb. Later something happened again, and I actually laughed. Once again there was wonder that it had been so long.
Smiles, laughter.. they are what show hope.
And you have to admit here.. some folks are incredibly funny! Give yourself a chance.
I was in full blown panic mode then. Boy I think about those first few weeks post-bomb. I slept about an hour a day, ate every couple of days. She was such an intimate part of my existence, I truly felt that my life was over if she didn't come back. I tried to decipher every email, every sentence, every facial tic to see if there was any feeling still there. W was ice cold then, too, trying to solidify her decision in her own mind and anxiously making plans to leave and full of excitement about OM. I came to this board for a miracle.
I could have written that too--all that was true for me too. I remember (I think it was Theoden) told me that I have to be prepared to live life without my H, and I remember thinking, No way can I do that!!! And here I am 6 months later and that is how I see my life being without H and realizing I'll be ok (or better off in some ways). My H was so horrible too, texting the OW or out with her all the time; and acting really like an addict without crack when he wasn't with her. I can't believe I lived through that; things are so much better now!!! I was so sad and depressed; I will never go through that again (I hope)!!! Or if I do, I'm gonna do it Puppy style if you know what I mean!!! Karen
So are you stuck at the hospital this whole time or do you get to have a pager and be out in the real world? When I was flying, we were on call all except for 11 days a month and if you were dumb enough to answer your phone on your day off and admitted that you were who they were calling for, you had to go to work. We also had to be able to be at the airport within an hour. In some parts of Charlotte the traffic was crazy so I didn't wander too far.
I hope you have a goodnight.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No, I get to be out in the real world, unless there is something I need to do. Some nights are slow (like last night, thank goodness), others can be pretty busy. The problem is I can't really plan on doing too much else, just in case.
What did you do at the airport?
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Hi gForce, just paying back the visit. Joking and laughing got me through. Saved my life. I was making fun of my sitch all the time through tears. A bit bitter but still... Now, my smiles are back. The good ones, such a relief... K
And people here got me through. Imagine that, I was in Athens, surfing and this site appeared when I googled "save your marriage". I had never been in any kind of a forum before, tried another about Rs, hated it, joined here and feel so lucky about it...
I know what you mean. I also found another divorce site that was just full of wailing and hatred, it made things worse. I had also thought these internet "chat" and "BB" sites were filled with a bunch of creeps and losers. I guess I am one or the other, now! But this board has been a godsend. Being able to share with people that understand, and not feel judged or self-conscious. I think I would still be groveling without everyone here.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I was lucky, when I was on call I just had to answer the page within 10 minutes and then be able to get to the airport within an hour. After we merged with USAir, things got way better for being on call. The really junior reserves had days where they had to sit at the airport and then they would pull them if someone got sick , had an accident, etc. We still had to be an hour away.
I just tried to make a game of it. I would call them on my day off(the day before I came back to work) and offer a bunch of trips I wanted. If I got one then I didn't have to wait around by the phone/pager. After a few years it gets old, especially when your significant other doesn't have the same type of flexibility, you can't travel too much together.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
And here I am 6 months later and that is how I see my life being without H and realizing I'll be ok (or better off in some ways). My H was so horrible too, texting the OW or out with her all the time; and acting really like an addict without crack when he wasn't with her. I can't believe I lived through that; things are so much better now!!! I was so sad and depressed; I will never go through that again (I hope)!!! Or if I do, I'm gonna do it Puppy style if you know what I mean!!!