Well, a new thread seems appropriate and my old thread locked anyway!
Met with the L today and retained her. Basically, nothing was said I didn't expect. Seems that there are some new laws and guidelines which will be slightly more in my favor, but not much. Seems that some sort of alimony is likely, given our no fault laws.
L will draft up 2 possible docs. (1) a notice to W, outlining a potential settlement and asking her to respond and (2) actual filing paperwork. I then have to decide which way I want to go. It turns out in FL when kids are involved, you have to go to mediation eventually. Either voluntarily before the filing or to forced mediation after a summary judgement if the other party does not respond to the filing.
That said, option (1) could be good if this is made clear to her. In any case, we will not be able to get anything to W before she takes kids to TX and I take my usual trip to Europe. Looks like mid-August will be the best, after we are all back in town. Not really happy about this, but L recommended and I agree that it would be bad to start this process right before I am away from the kids for an extended period of time.
It does not really feel like much of a Path with Heart, but I know that it is. When I think of the lessons about relationships that the kids are implicitly learning by observing our completely disfunctional life, I know that it has to be this way.
Otherwise, we have entered our tropical wet season in FL which is severely limiting my swimming schedule and I have my next triathlon in 3 weeks. I may have to breakdown and do some indoor pool swims soon.
Well, that's the long and short of it.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Hi SD, I think the choice to wait til your trips are over is a good one. My parents live in Sebastian and have commented on all the rain. Course I was there a few weeks ago and they were complaining about "no rain."
This process will get easier as time goes on. And, for me, my D is thrilled that both of her parents are now happy.
Hang in there and I hope your triathlon goes well.
hey SD. glad you are getting some good legal advice...that definitely helps to line ducks up. august will be here before you know it. good luck on the triathalon!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I am still in a bit of a fog since the L appt. I feel like I am living in a parallel universe, since W will not know what is coming for another month. Just trying to enjoy the kids and the last few days of innocence. I am planning to take them up to my friend's place in the Rocky's for a few days at the end of our vacation in early August, so that will really be the last hurrah.
I did get in my first long workout today in more than 2 weeks. In the hot, humid air, it was tough, but since it's been so long, I still enjoyed it. It had a nice ending too...
I had to fill out some paperwork for the kids karate and the gym employee at the desk (an acquaintance) was gushing over how great I looked in my tri-shorts, suggested that I run on the treadmill instead of the trail so she could watch. Boy, that felt nice! In 18 years, I never got a complement like that from my W. Of course, I could have been more complementary of her as well, so another lesson learned.
Take care, SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
As one door closes, another opens. It doesn't have to be "the last hurrah," just the one before your next one! It sounds like you are taking the kids on your own, so it really won't be much different for them later...except without the tension that you are under. (((SD)))
Still lurking. I should really be posting over here as my own path has taken its turns. I go to court on the 18th...hopefully my own sitch will be resolving.
Enjoy your holiday in Europe, try not to focus on the upcoming D proceedings and enjoy the summer with your children.
BTW, kudos for making it work with the W in the house all this time...my god, my STBX would have driven me to the nuthouse, no joke.
Take care my friend.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
I am still checking in with you and kind of lurking. I know you feel a little bad about all this L stuff, but you are doing the right thing. The kids need to learn about boundaries, functional love relationships, and all things healthy. Just know you will feel better in 6 months.
Good luck with the Tri, buddy!
Best, --Chris
Me: 40 She: 31 S: 5 D: 3 Married: 8 years (05 DEC 99) Blow-up: 02 JUN 07 Piecing (More like Ostriching): 22 FEB 08
I am still in a bit of a fog since the L appt. I feel like I am living in a parallel universe, since W will not know what is coming for another month.
SD,
This whole is kind of like being in Bizarro world since none of us ever thought in a million years that we would find ourselves in this position. Don't feel like you're holding in a secret from wife. She has pushed your boundaries. What does she expect of you? You have a right to happiness as well.
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Just trying to enjoy the kids and the last few days of innocence. I am planning to take them up to my friend's place in the Rocky's for a few days at the end of our vacation in early August, so that will really be the last hurrah. [/color]I did get in my first long workout today in more than 2 weeks. In the hot, humid air, it was tough, but since it's been so long, I still enjoyed it. It had a nice ending too...
I'm not going to sugar coat it, this is the tough part, and yes it is like they are losing a part of their security blanket. Knowing what a great Dad you are they have an advantage right there.
Good luck with your tri and have a wonderful vacation!
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Boy, that felt nice! In 18 years, I never got a complement like that from my W. Of course, I could have been more complementary of her as well, so another lesson learned.
On man, what I could do with that line!!! But I will remain the true lady I am and refrain............
the gym employee at the desk (an acquaintance) was gushing over how great I looked in my tri-shorts, suggested that I run on the treadmill instead of the trail so she could watch
Donna, Thanks for the support. I know it is not really the last hurrah, but rather that from now on, things will be different, less naive, a bit more jaded perhaps. BTW, I check in on you regularly and you are really doing great!
WAW, Good luck on tying up the last threads. I hope you will post a bit of how it plays out. Always helpful for the rest of us. As far as living under the same roof, it has not been easy, but I get to see my boys every morning and put them to bed every night. When you put it all in perspective, it has been well worth it, esp. for S7 who was 5 when the bomb dropped. But alas, it is time to move on.
Chris, Hope all is well in your world. How is piecing going?
Bethie, I am so amazed at your restraint...maybe you are a true lady after all!
Sunny,
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Wish I was there to watch too!!!
and to all a good night!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Boy, that felt nice! In 18 years, I never got a complement like that from my W. 