Pressure is happening because, no matter how you try to spin this thing, you are still goal oriented on getting sex. You are not trying to really repair the problem. There is a difference. The problem is NOT that you aren't getting sex, but you think that it is, therefore you are only focused on getting that "problem" fixed...not the root issue, which is that you and your wife are BOTH contributing to your lack of physical intimacy.
OK, so what do I do? And let's not kid ourselves, I wouldn't be here if I had a satisfying sex life. That's why I bought a book called The Sex-Starved Marriage. I do NOT agree with your take on the "root issue." If I'm not focused on solving the problem of how we both contribute, then what's with all the changes I've made in the way I do things? If I think it's all her fault, why have I changed my behavior?
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And as far as the "superior to men" comment, puh-leeze. Can you not take advice for what it is worth?
I do take advice. I've taken a lot of yours. I don't blindly accept anything. I understood that you were trying to help, but I saw a problem with your reasoning and I told you about it. There's more coming.
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I am not saying women don't do this (trying to distract to get sexual attention) because they are superior...I am saying it is because women tend to be very concerned about others' feelings and once we get that message "don't bug me while I am working" we remember it and don't do it again. Whereas men are more concerned about their own feelings...which is not to say they are inferior it is simply a fact (and it is actually something women should adopt more often). Men will tend to be more concerned with their own need for sudden sexual attention than he is concerned about whether his wife is receptive to that or not. When she isn't, he gets insulted, but how is that fair? She never invited it and she is clearly working at that moment.
Look at what you wrote and tell me it isn't just a little biased against men. Women are selfless, men are selfish, but it's OK because that's how they are. Except in western civilization, which is where you and I live. There ethics are based on Judeo-Christian morality and a person with little or no concern for others is definitely seen as inferior to an empathetic person. You don't have to agree with me, but don't dismiss my point of view by telling me I just don't want advice. There's a little more going on in my head than that.
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But don't believe me! Just go ahead and grab her boob the next time she has a frying pan in her hand and then see how far you get. Do it every morning! Its a sure fire way to get her turned on! (hee hee...I'm just joshin' ya).
I know, and I don't want to sound like I've lost my sense of humor, but . . . . you do recall that there was no frying pan and no job being performed in real life, right? That was the scenario you came up with to explain her state of mind. Years ago, I did do something sexual--I don't remember what now--when she was cutting something in the kitchen. She told me that was dangerous. She was right, so I never did it again.
