I think she just put the kids in front of her heart in front of me. It was kid, kid, kid, kids... kids kids, watch the kids. Are the kids breathing. Are the kids all right. What did you do to her. What are you doing. She can't breathe. Whatever...
Well tonight was just very bad indeed. I don't know if you call it backsliding or giving someone the business with love. She started her bull crap about seeing the kids tonight.
I think she is just really tired, exhuasted and can't handle them both. They both can be challenging at times. I think I have a pretty good handle on them now. She doesn't never did.
My son wants to be with me. I was eating and said I would be there to pick him up in a half hour. She said she would drop him off. I said I would pick him up.
Then on my way there, she said he doesn't want to stay over he just want to hang out a bit.
So I get there, and there is some phone conversation. Then I had to call back and said please stop hanging up on me and talk to me.
We talk a little, and all I hear is I don't have time I want to take a shower. Well then take a shower.
I'm there to pick him up. I sit down on the stoop. The kids unload on me with the squirt guns and totally drench me.
She is laughing and we sit with on another for ahwhile. I don't know what happened by I think that rookie attitude starting kicking in. I basically told her I love her with every thing in my soul, every pour of my body, everything in my heart. Then you could tell she didn't want to hear it. The kids were being bad. I asked them to go in the house and let me talk with there mother. I gave her the business about I I messed up, how I disrepected her and that I'm very sorry.
She went into the house and I followed. She said get out of my house. I just want to take a shower.
Gee whiz son and I left. Then I called her phone. I really just wanted to talk to daughter but she answered. I think I gave it to her again. I'm calm. I never wanted to hurt you. I want to do everything for you and I thought I was. I want you to stop being angry at me and talk to me.
Well she listened the whole time. Then at the end I kept saying I don't know I think about alot of things. I think about the last time we made love before you said you wanted a divorce. I left the house and I was thinking the whole time I should have said how much I loved you and wanted to stay home with you.
I said I'm sorry I wasn't there for you during the miscarriages. I was there in a different way. I went to work everyday so that you could have healthcare. Why didn't you just ask me to take the day off and go with you. You know I was trying to bank my days off because I never knew what was going on with my job, and at least banked days off would be an extra paycheck if I did get laid off. An extra paycheck is a month living in the hosue worry free.
I said I'm sorry. I did everything I could for you. I love you very much.
