This whole 4 months my Doc/C kept telling me to have a power equal relationship. I wasn't going for it. I was in the power position finally & I liked it. I'd kicked H's ass finally. I wasn't giving it up. H took everything I dished out, & then some. Very few times did he get angry. He finally saw the angry just backfired. He offered empathy, validation, he listened, he asked me to talk to him. He offered to hold me. I didn't want him to touch me. We did a total role reversal. I always had wanted to talk, now I don't. I always wanted him to hold me, now I didn't. He was very confused.
This is exactly where we are now. It feels like a complete reversal - I never want to have any anger about anything - and she's furious even when we talk about something like having never had the chance to take dancing lessons - "I'll never take a dance lesson with you, you stupid F***. You had ten years to figure it out." Like your H, I'm very confused most of the time - though I keep trying to learn more about what she's going through - and how I can be there for her as a friend - and not try to push the R or my presence as her H. I know that my words at time hurt her - and that I imitated some of the abuse she received as a child - at least the verbal/emotional stuff - not the sexual stuff...once, early in our relationship, a week after we had ML, she tried to accuse me of having forced myself on her - it terrified me...stays with me to this day, some eight years later...
