- I would like my W to initiate a conversation where she asks how I am - I would like to have my W over for a movie with the kids - I would like to be invited to do something with the my W and kids - I would like my W to look at me and smile - I would like my W to feel comfortable enough that she calls me to talk about her daily problems
A lot of it has to do with where you are at and how she is reacting to you. These are just some thoughts
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Those are good, but I don't know how achievable i can make those.... because they revolve around her and not me. I'm not sure how to get there....ya know?
yeah, it's a down day.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
true. that's probably an easier one to accomplish. LOL
saw my IC today......holy crap. what a realization. I actually see a pattern in my behaviors during my M and see where it comes from.......I finally think i can break the cycle.....it's almost like I get it..... and I have hope. Basically, i've been battling between my emotional mind and my rational mind...and it's been a struggle.. Because of hte hurt i've experienced, my emotional mind took charge and acted to protect myself. All the while, my rational mind is screaming at me to think about what you are doing......kinda hard to explain, but....it makes sense..
ugh.
deep breath is right Pisces. LOL
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
wow- that is huge Neil. our emotional mind can take us for a wild ride- and maybe you can see this process as a gift in this way.
you can see where it takes charge and control it- not the other way around.
i like the ideas for goals- i agree that it sometimes doesnt feel achievebale but it is good to have them. i need help in this area too. i guess just having them is good for our SELF FULFILING PROPHECY!
im going to write myself some new goals as mine have been the same for 2 months- have you changed your goals a lot?
breathe in beathe out
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
"Because of the hurt I've experienced, my emotional mind took charge and acted to protect myself. All the while, my rational mind is screaming at me to think about what you are doing......kinda hard to explain, but....it makes sense.."
Yup.. pretty solid DAM stuff.
My other catch phrase is use "No Emotion".
Now maybe you see why I use those words.
Emotion.. can twist anything.. especially rational thoughts. One of the big things with this is learning when your thoughts get twisted with Emotion.. then applying the stop sign to them. There is a time and a place for Emotion.. make sure you use them correctly.
You are getting there..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
"I would like to have my W over for a movie with the kids"
Stealing from Brandnewday here.. but she suggested a movie night for the kids.. invite the spouse.. if she shows great.. if she dosen't.. great. Make it a recurring event.. every Xday and make it consistent. I have never recommended it simply because "newbies" may use it wrong. So I will temper it with.. ask carefully. Just something in passing.. we are gonna watch (insert movie) on Xday.. if you are interested. Something like that.
Twindad has some OK thoughts (not putting them down TD).. personally I think you need to center them on you.
Something like..
I would like to make my wife smile.
or
I would like to see my wife smile more.
I am not great at the goal making.. I kinda went on what was making the most changes.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
