Maine was wonderful--my classes went well, the students did brilliantly on their projects and I will be going back to teach again next year. It was so nice to catch up with old friends and make new ones and I absolutely love the international community--there were people from 20 different countries in attendance. I made VERY good friends with a woman from Germany and we will undoubtedly stay friends for a long time. I love it when you "click" with someone--it makes the relationship easy and fun.
My triplets just turned 10 and I took them to six flags in KY for their birthday. I have come to the sad, sad conclusion that once you hit 40, roller coasters are not fun anymore. Blech! They had a blast though and from now on they can do all the loopty loops themselves and I'll go on the ferris wheel and merry-go-round.
My oldest is in camp for 3 weeks and the trips will join him there this weekend for 2 weeks--it's a wonderful place, full of magic and experiences they never forget. This is their 3rd year going. AND the cool thing is I have three weeks without any kids!!!! I'm lovin' it.
Career wise everything is going very well for me. I have been giving presentations this summer which people seem genuinely attentive to and enthusiastic about. I have applied for a grant which, if I get it, will enable me to work on my art without worrying about money for the next year. I will hear about it in August. Those things, plus the teaching and doing a couple shows are keeping me positive about the direction I'm headed.
Socially life is good as well. I adore my friends and my family and feel truly blessed to have such creative, loving and supportive people in my life. I am feeling very confident in myself and enjoying life as a single woman. Some day I would like to find a kindred spirit who really makes me laugh and lightens my heart when I see him, but I am in no hurry and will wait for that right man--he has not come to me yet. Dating was interesting and educational, but in a way, I think it made me feel more desperate--being with the wrong person is really much worse than being on your own. I have learned that it is okay to be picky and it is okay to be a free agent.
Activities and adventures: I have a scuba trip to a quarry planned this weekend and then later in the month I'll be going to Florida for a week long scuba trip in Key Largo. I'll be diving with friends from the dive shop--all advanced divers so we'll be able to see some cool stuff. Would I have started diving if I were still with Mitch--who knows, but it's another thing I dared to do when my husband left and it has been an absolute dream.
My mother and I are taking a trip out to the Pacific Northwest in August to 1) have fun in our rented convertible and drive along the coast and 2) look for properties that have 2 houses or that have enough land where a second house can be built. My mom and I get along great and I can totally see living on the same property (not in the same house though). We both love it out there and dream of living near the ocean and mountains so, we're going to Washington and Oregon to see if we can find a place we love.
Thoughts, epiphanies and ponderings:
I am pursuing my dream of being an artist. It is not the easiest or most lucrative field, but it is my passion. I am doing this because my husband left me and I had to make a go of it on my own. Would I have gotten to this point if I were still married to him or trying to make my marriage work with him? Would I have ever done this if I'd gone back to working as a respiratory therapist? Who knows for sure, but I doubt it. My life is quite wonderful now and I hardly ever get depressed and I think it is because I have finally found myself. I am funny again and people love to be with me. I am no longer Mitch's wife, I am Althea, with my maiden name restored and my creativity in full swing and it is in great part because of the situation I landed in after the demise of my marriage. I am me, fully and happily and life is good.
I will never be grateful that Mitch left, especially the way in which he did it--so painful and hurtful. But I am grateful to him for many things and much of my anger has waned. The truth is, I honestly don't think I would wish back what I had before he left. I was lost inside my marriage (not Mitch's fault) and I allowed myself to fade away. I look back and realize I was depressed a lot--couldn't have been very attractive for Mitch to deal with.
I saw him today when he came to get the kids. Gosh we get along so well. We talk so easily and he makes me laugh so easily. I can tell when he looks at me he still has a great fondness for me. I loved him so much and sometimes remembering that does hurt a little. What we had was very real and very good and very satisfying for a really long time and for that I am grateful. He taught me SO much. He was my true and real partner--he loved adventure and food and parties and making love and giving me gifts and making me things and I was lucky to have that. I get jealous sometimes that he has a new relationship and that it seems to be so great. But then again I think-"Ha, he's obligated to this other person who he is stuck in a long distance relationship with and I am FREE!" I am not at a point yet where I can feel "happy" for him that he is happy, but at least I don't wish him great balls of fire anymore!
As for the OW. Well, I am simply not big enough yet not to hate her. Okay, MAYBE I have graduated from hate to she leaves a bad taste in my mouth...maybe? I don't know. I do know that I have still not met her and still do not entirely trust myself to meet her. I do know that I do not obsess about her or give her much thought at all anymore which is a HUGE leap forward. I do feel like we will have to meet soon--she lives with Mitch during the summer and my children are involved with her and have a relationship with her. I have thought about our impending meeting and wonder what I will say. I think about telling her straight out how what she and Mitch did affected me and the children because in my heart I want her to know. I feel like to make peace with her, I have to get that stuff on the table but the hope is that I can do it calmly and without too much emotion. Just kind of matter of fact. But, I don't think I am there yet. Frankly I wish I never had to meet her.
I do want to forgive her though, eventually. I realize I don't need her "help" with that, but I know myself and I know that this is not a passing urge so I think it's going to have to happen, to some degree, like i described above, with me being upfront and honest with her about what happened to my life and world when she decided to interfere in a marriage and a family. I can't just walk into a coffee shop, shake her hand and say "I forgive you."
Anyway, maybe I won't have to deal with that for a while.
So that's the synopsis of my life at the moment. Just thought since I finally had a house free of children and a moment of calm I would update.
It sounds you are doing very well... As for the exH and OW, I think they make a perfect couple.... Two cheaters..... I love what someone wrote here once....
I think my exW and OM deserve each other...... Both will spend the rest of their married days wondering who WILL cheat first.... WHAT A LIFE!
Take Care,
NMD
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 07/02/0809:53 PM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
You sound absolutely wonderful with your life right now.
So quit fantasizing about forgiving someone that will probably never deserve that. You don't owe it to her. The only thing you owe yourself is to try to forget about her. It's different than forgiving. She is just not worth the time you would spend considering her. If you ever do have the opportunity to walk near her, try to avoid knocking her down as you go by. No need to turn Xrelations into a full contact sport.
Save that energy for diving. I agree with the part about finally reaching a time in life when the whirly rides no longer work. I used to do the coasters and rides but they eventually just gave me a vertigo like effect that would last for days. So did my tandem jump with the guy that thought it would be fun to start spinning the chute round-n-round. So I'm looking for time to do dive classes before end of summer instead.
Thank you for giving us all an update, and thank you for being so darn wonderful !!!!
You sound like you are moving on in the best way possible. The best revenge, as it is said, is a life well lived. And, you are proving that adage!
I just got back from a long weekend in Portland, OR! What a lovely area --- I would definitely recommend it. There is a little town on the way to Hood River, that looked so quaint and lovely (can't think of the name off-hand). Definitely, as an artist, an inspirational place to visit and/or live.
Below are a few quotes about forgiveness that I love. I hope you find a way to feel indifferent to her, one day. That would be the ultimate healing for you and many of us on this BB (including me, I'm afraid).
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885)
Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.- Cherie Carter-Scott, "If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules"
It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.- Real Live Preacher, RealLivePreacher.com Weblog, July 7, 2003
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I feel like to make peace with her, I have to get that stuff on the table but the hope is that I can do it calmly and without too much emotion. Just kind of matter of fact.
All that other stuff in the last post is nice - but me? I'm not as big a person as you, Althea - I'd still want to spit in her face!!!!
Ha ha, Ellie! Spit first, ask questions later. Forgiveness, even later than that, 'eh!?
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
As for the exH and OW, I think they make a perfect couple.... Two cheaters..... I love what someone wrote here once....