Wife is considering filing - Need Help

[sandi2]

Hi LS, I did reply on your other thread, so maybe you saw it before closing it out.

Is she selectively hearing what I am saying?

I think that is possible. That is one reason you can't allow yourself to believe anything she says is b/c she will twist around your words and throw back at you. She may even rewrite yours and her history together.

I guess she feels she needs to step up to the motherly plate as she has been too busy with her personal life and is trying to overcompensate by cooking pancakes? Not sure. I already told her I am not trying to invade her territory, take over her role...and that I am just helping out etc...Strange.

Actually, I think she sees you as competition..lol. It was rather rude of her to do it in that fashion since you already had the cereal ready.

She also said that she'll begin pulling things together for storage.

I think I would have had to tell her that unless it is her personal belongings, that she is not to touch anything in the house that is considered "shared" property. She has no legal rights, I wouldn't think, to take whatever she wanted to take out of the house and place in storage without your consent....not when there is talk of D, but I'm no lawyer. You might check into that. I'm sure she can come up with an idea or two for doing it....like getting the house empty and ready to sell. I liked the idea that was given by another poster about telling her that you would buy her part out and keep the huose for you and the kids. That might cool her heels a bit.....especially if she is feeling like you are being the "better parent" at the moment. I would be careful about leaving her there alone with "girlfriends" that say they are going to watch a movie and pulling some things together for storage. Take my word for it....they won't be watching any movie! In fact, if you leave, you may come back to an empty house. I think I would stay put until the friends left. I don't like the sounds of this. She would not leave them in there to watch a movie by themselves while she pulled some things together for storage and I doubt she would wait until they left b/c of the late hourse, so you can rest assured that the girls are going to have a hayday as soon as you leave.

She also asked about my weekend plans

This makes twice she has asked about your plans for the weekend, I think. It could be because it is a holiday, but then it could be that she has something up her sleeve.....and it isn't good. I would be watching if I were you.

I'm glad you talked to your mom about the stitch. She did not need to hear it from somebody else first. You know, I think couples use to handle their problems b/c they saw their M as being for life. Sometimes if it was bad engough they might separate for a while and then work things out and go back together. But, people didn't stay in the house having sex one night and then the next day file for D like I hear about couples doing these days! I don't get it. Why the hurry? I suppose it is our hurry up attitude of our society and that they can't wait for a separation and just head straight for D court.

Going to try to 180 on the smoking starting next week

That's a wonderful goal, and yes you do need to do it for all of you, but remember what I said about putting too much at one time on you and getting too stressed out about it. If W is starting to put pressure about selling the house, it may get very tough. But, like I was told today at work, we are put under prerssure only if we allow it to happen. Sounds good, but tough to pull it off.

Regarding to my statement about "smelling a rat", I was referring to her "new friends". I really feel that she is getting the wrong encouragement and influence. She seemed to be doing pretty good there for a few days and then suddenly she comes up with all this business about pushing for the house to sell and getting a D. I know from what you described that she was getting closer to you and having fun with you and the kids in spite of herself! It seems common for WAW's and W's in MLC to find new friends that are single, divorced or live a different lifestyle from the old friends. So, directly or indirectly, something or somebody is influncing her! She is hanging out with them too much for them not to be. One thing about a WAW or W in MLC, they are going to be around only the people that support their feelings! Remeber that.

One of her new friends actually stopped by my office yesterday but I wasn't there (we work at same company) and left a message asking how I was doing and that I should email or call sometime. Should I? The last time we talked I said somethings I probably shouldn't and I don't want to come across to her that I am pursuing my W.

Nooooooo.........run like a bat out of hell! Several reasons I can give for this. This friend of your W's is either out to get information from you to take back to your W, since you talked before.....or else, she is setting you up for something in particular......or she is trying to hit on you. Either way, it spells disaster. Stay away from that woman!

This is a terrible thing to say about my own gender, but it is just like I told my H about women......they really are not made of sugar and spice and everything nice! Some are cats! Some of conniving, cunning, and decietful. There are some things that they will not stoop to low to do to get what they want. They will stab their best friend in the back and even sleep with her H. Now, notice I said...some are like that....not all. There are some real sweet women out there that are good down to their toes. They are the "real McCoy" as people use to say. So, I don't want you to give completely up on the female sex, but at the same time......don't be fooled about her new friends, either.

You are still doing very, very good. Don't back down from your gut instincts and don't let her cross your boundries. When women start getting "horsy" or pushy.....they need to be put in their place. They will repect you in the long run.

Take care,
Sandi