As I read I ponder, what role have I played? Your journaling and your posting to me has shown me alot I think you know that. I am reminded of a remark my W made to me before she left, maybe I just don't deserve your love. After confronting her dad she has said she is okay with it and he said what she needed to hear, that being 'he did do it and he was so sorry'. Maybe with that being heard she can open up the 'dusty box' and deserve my love.
I am sure as a DAM I have tried to control and manipulate her, to which I humbly regret. She now sees that she was controlling in the sense that no man would ever hurt her again but that she was wrong for doing it to me and understood why I would act the way I did because in her words "she was being mean to me". Just with the words being said melted away years of resentment for me.
You never cease to amaze me with the path of self awareness that you are walking, you are right you are becoming stronger and I will add wiser IMHO because you can sense triggers before they happen and defuse them. Thank you for being willing to learn about yourself and to give such insight of your most personal thoughts and struggles.
