I respectfully disagree. I think you would be doing your whole family a disservice if you allow your husband to continue to believe that you are the only person who needs to change for the marriage to be better. This argument is proof that his anger and his inablility to control his anger are a problem for the family.
My father was a stern domineering type. He kept all of us in line with his anger, including my mother. He had a heart attack at 69, and the doctors explained to him that he needed to stop sweating the small stuff. And it's all small stuff. He mellowed some after triple bypass surgery, but he still goes nuts over nothing with my mother. He is 87, she is 78 and I don't believe they have gone a day in their 60 years of marriage without at least one blowup. He won't change. He will die the way he is.
Your husband is young and can and should change his behavior.
Despite all his threats, I don't believe he really wants a divorce. I think you should tell him that you have done a lot of research on the subject of marriage and there is help for couples like you. You want to work together with him to improve the marriage for everybody -- especially the children. (If you don't think he will treat the children the way he now treats you, read Bridgestone's thread.) There is a program called Retrouvaille which is a weekend marital retreat where you go and learn about how to communicate with each other without fighting. Get the dates and location from the website, http://www.helpourmarriage.org. Tell him you want to go to Retrouvaille, and you are asking him to come with you for the sake of the children. They deserve parents who don't fight like crazy people.
