ms ladybug SQUISHED (2)

[Dom R]

OK Dom, then what IS my plan of action. How can I just say I will no longer do this and this ... I need to know HOW, and tell him HOW.

Well, I think the first and most important thing he is looking for, is that you understand WHAT to change.

So, listing "I will no longer do this", is a very good start.

hopefully, you might be able to tell him specific, recent occurences of how you have already changed a bit. That will help him believe you.
Then say that you plan to see a counsellor, to get help and suggestions on how you can best make changes in the other stuff that you recognize about yourself that you dont like.

When is a good time to bring up the changes I want to see in HIM?

When he is willing to put work into your marriage.
Which will come when he sees that your marriage, is something that is actually worth putting work into.
Which will come AFTER he sees that you are serious about the changes that you want to make in yourself, and are successfully doing so to some degree.

Right now, from his perspective, he's got no reason to put work into the marriage, so talking about that with him is a waste of time, and probably counter-productive at the moment.


PS: you should also run whatever "changes" you'd like to see in HIM, past a marriage counsellor first.
There's a certain human tendancy to want things from our spouses, that we dont have a right to ask for.
Some changes you would want to see, such as "no more dumping stuff on the floor and then complaning about mess.", "no more yelling", are obviously positive. But for any less blatantly clear ones, you should be careful what your goals are.