Help me Act AS IF, Part 7: The Separation

[newnamenewlife]

I remember my early days here, when I thought there'd be no way I'd end up S--and here I am.

Actually, I'm doing OK. H moved out a week ago; I'm still sad, mad and anxious, but I also feel a huge sense of relief that the phase where he was emotionally not here but still physically here is over.

During this first week, I had the girls for the first three days in a row. Then H took them for 2, then I had them 2 and now he has them again until tomorrow. Because it's summer and the girls don't start camp until 7/14, it hasn't been too bad for them to be switching back and forth--but I think it'll be harder when school starts. It's been hard for me to have them all day and night because I can't get anything done. Now I am on my second day being alone and that's hard too--though I get more done!

It has been AGES since I spent an entire day and night by myself--which I did yesterday. The first 2 alone days, I made lots of plans, but no one was around yesterday. I got very sad and lonely as evening fell, but then I watched TV and cleaned up the family room at the same time and felt a little better.

D11 seems surprisingly OK with the S so far, while D7 says things daily that break my heart ("I'm going to pretend daddy is just on a business trip.")

I've been all over the place with my emotions re:H--still furious and hurt at times and determined to punish him somehow; other times, I'm calm and able to imagine he and I being friends;

So that's where I'm at.